If He’s Not in My Amazon Cart, Where Am I Supposed to Meet Him?
So… here we are. The D word is official. The papers are signed. Your friends have taken you out for the “new chapter” dinner. The group chat has been sending daily “you’re a baddie” affirmations. You’ve had your ugly cry moments, your “what was I even doing?” rants, and a few late-night scrolls through your online cart of “treat yourself” purchases.
Life feels different now. Not perfect. Not exactly figured out. But quieter. You can actually breathe without wondering when the next argument will happen. You’ve got your routines down, or as down as a mom can, and you’ve even started to feel like yourself again.
Then, out of nowhere, a thought sneaks in while you’re folding laundry or sitting in the school pickup line.
“Maybe I’ll date again.”
And that thought? It’s complicated.
Part of me is curious, thinking it could be fun. But the other part says, girl, you barely leave the house. Where exactly is this man supposed to come from? Amazon? Because if he is not being dropped off with my Prime packages, chances are I am not meeting him anytime soon.
But the truth is, my hesitation is not just about logistics. It is about fear.
Afraid of the same cycles
I have not dated since my marriage ended, and a big reason is because I am scared. Not scared of men, but scared of myself. Scared of ignoring red flags again. Scared of falling for charm instead of character. Scared of building something just to watch it crumble like last time.
When you have been through a marriage that left you questioning yourself, you can start doubting your ability to choose well. That doubt can make you shut the door before anyone even has the chance to knock.
And while it is good to protect your peace, I have had to ask myself… am I protecting my peace, or am I avoiding the possibility of something good because I am stuck in my head?
Working through the head noise
If I am honest, I live in my head a lot. I overthink before I have even given something a chance. I run through every possible “what if” like I am prepping for a final exam.
What if I get hurt again?
What if my kids do not like him?
What if I waste my time?
What if it is just the same thing in a different package?
The thing is, those “what ifs” can keep you so locked up that you miss out on the “what if it is actually good this time” moments.
So lately, I have been working on loosening my grip. Letting myself imagine good things without immediately talking myself out of them. Reminding myself that I am not the same woman I was before, so my choices will not be the same either.
Figuring out where my heart really is
If you have been through a divorce, you know there is a big difference between being ready and just being lonely. And I have had to check myself on that.
There have been nights where I thought it would be nice to have someone to talk to, but I knew deep down it was not about wanting a relationship. I just wanted someone to fill that quiet space.
But I have learned the hard way that dating to fill a void is a fast track to disappointment. I want to reach a place where I am adding someone to a life I enjoy, not asking them to rescue me from one I do not.
Getting back to me
Marriage, motherhood, and heartbreak can all make you forget who you were before it all. After my divorce, I realized I did not even know what I liked anymore. I knew my kids’ favorite snacks and my ex’s coffee order, but if you had asked me what I wanted to do for fun, I would have had no answer.
So before dating, I have been dating myself again. Finding things that make me laugh. Cooking meals I like. Wearing outfits just because they make me feel good, even if I am just going to the grocery store.
When you know and like yourself, you stop bending into shapes for someone else’s approval.
My circle is my filter
I have also learned the value of having the right people in my corner. The friend who hypes me up. The one who asks the “are you sure?” questions. And the one who will send me a screenshot of a red flag before I even realize it is a red flag.
When you have those voices around you, it is harder to slide back into old patterns. And if I am going to start dating, I need those voices turned up loud.
Protecting my peace and my kids’ peace
My kids are my heart. They do not meet just anyone. In fact, they do not even need to know I am talking to someone unless it is something real. That is not being secretive, that is protecting their stability and mine.
I have been through enough to know that not everyone who seems good in the beginning stays that way. And I will gladly take things slow to make sure anyone new fits into the life I have worked so hard to create.
Making my life full without a relationship
This has been my favorite part of getting ready.
Girls’ nights. Movie marathons with my kids. Little day trips. Buying flowers for my kitchen table for no reason. I want my life to feel full whether I am dating or not. That way, dating is not about finding someone to complete me, it is about finding someone who can enjoy life with me.
Letting myself imagine the good
If you have been through enough bad, it can feel almost dangerous to hope for good. But I am learning to lean into that hope. To believe that I am wiser now. That my boundaries are stronger. That my kids will see me love and be loved in a way that is healthy and uplifting.
I do not know when I will officially start dating, but I know this. When I do, it will not be from a place of fear. It will be from a place of knowing who I am, what I want, and what I will never tolerate again.
And until then, I will keep living my life, working on my peace, and maybe answering the door with extra lip gloss in case the Amazon driver is fine.
Because you never know……….