I’m Not Waiting for a Flat Stomach to Start Living
Let me be real, my relationship with my body has never been great. I don’t think there’s ever been a time in my life when I felt truly comfortable in my skin. I’ve always been aware of my body… too aware. Whether it was how my jeans fit, how my arms looked in photos, or how my stomach folded when I sat down. There was always something I was trying to “fix.” And for a long time, I thought that was just normal.
But over the years, especially after becoming a mom and being in a relationship that broke more than just my heart, that discomfort grew into something deeper. Something heavier. Something that made me feel like my body wasn’t just imperfect… it was a burden.
Pregnancy changed my body in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I gained weight, I stretched in places that never bounced back, and I didn’t “snap back” the way social media told me I should. And let me tell you, it didn’t help being in a relationship where I was constantly made to feel like I was no longer desirable or worth loving. I’ll never forget the comments he used to make, things like, “You used to care about how you looked,” or “You were smaller when I met you” or “do you really think someone is going to want you”……..
I internalized every word.
I stopped wearing anything form-fitting. I avoided mirrors. I wouldn’t take pictures with my kids because I couldn’t stand how I looked. And deep down, I thought if I could just lose the weight, maybe he’d love me better. Maybe he’d see me again.
But let’s be honest, no amount of shrinking was ever going to make that relationship healthy. And the truth is, I wasn’t just trying to lose weight, I was trying to lose the parts of myself that I had been taught were unlovable.
After I left, I thought things would get better. I thought I’d instantly feel free and strong and confident again. But healing isn’t like that, it’s messy. I had to face the reality that I’d been at war with my body for years, long before him. I’d made my worth dependent on how I looked for so long, I didn’t know how to separate the two.
But what I did know was this: I was tired.
Tired of hiding.
Tired of skipping out on moments with my kids.
Tired of letting shame control my life.
So I decided to stop waiting until I was “better” to start living again. I made a choice, not to love every inch of myself overnight, but to at least stop punishing my body for not looking like it used to, or like somebody else’s.
I started standing in the mirror a little longer. I started taking pictures again, even on the days I wasn’t feeling like my best self. I wore the dress, went to the brunch, danced in my living room with the lights on. And slowly, I began to feel like myself again. Not because my body changed, but because my mindset did.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a process. I still have days where I struggle. There are still times I catch my reflection and that old voice creeps in, ready to tear me down. But now, I talk back. Now, I remind myself of what this body has carried. Not just babies, but pain, trauma, heartbreak, stress, and still managed to get me through every single day.
This body deserves more than criticism. It deserves grace.
It deserves joy.
It deserves to be seen.
I’m not hiding anymore. I’ve done enough of that. And I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking that’s what confidence looks like, shrinking yourself just to fit in, just to be loved, just to be accepted. I want her to see her mom showing up in full. Not because I think I’m perfect, but because I finally know I don’t have to be.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re too much, not enough, too soft, too big, too different, just know I see you. I’ve been you. And I still have days where I am you.
But I’m learning to take up space anyway.
You don’t have to wait until you lose 10 pounds or until your stomach is flat to start living. You don’t have to skip the beach or crop yourself out of the photo. You don’t have to wear that extra layer just to feel less noticeable.
You are not a before or after photo.
You’re a whole, complex, beautiful woman right now.
So wear the thing.
Take the picture.
Get in the frame.
Show up for your life, even if your confidence is still catching up.
Because this body?
It’s carried you through everything.
And it deserves to be loved, not later, but today.
