I’m Not Waiting for a Flat Stomach to Start Living

Let me be real, my relationship with my body has never been great. I don’t think there’s ever been a time in my life when I felt truly comfortable in my skin. I’ve always been aware of my body… too aware. Whether it was how my jeans fit, how my arms looked in photos, or how my stomach folded when I sat down. There was always something I was trying to “fix.” And for a long time, I thought that was just normal.

But over the years, especially after becoming a mom and being in a relationship that broke more than just my heart, that discomfort grew into something deeper. Something heavier. Something that made me feel like my body wasn’t just imperfect… it was a burden.

Pregnancy changed my body in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I gained weight, I stretched in places that never bounced back, and I didn’t “snap back” the way social media told me I should. And let me tell you, it didn’t help being in a relationship where I was constantly made to feel like I was no longer desirable or worth loving. I’ll never forget the comments he used to make, things like, “You used to care about how you looked,” or “You were smaller when I met you” or “do you really think someone is going to want you”……..

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I internalized every word.

I stopped wearing anything form-fitting. I avoided mirrors. I wouldn’t take pictures with my kids because I couldn’t stand how I looked. And deep down, I thought if I could just lose the weight, maybe he’d love me better. Maybe he’d see me again.

But let’s be honest, no amount of shrinking was ever going to make that relationship healthy. And the truth is, I wasn’t just trying to lose weight, I was trying to lose the parts of myself that I had been taught were unlovable.

After I left, I thought things would get better. I thought I’d instantly feel free and strong and confident again. But healing isn’t like that, it’s messy. I had to face the reality that I’d been at war with my body for years, long before him. I’d made my worth dependent on how I looked for so long, I didn’t know how to separate the two.

But what I did know was this: I was tired.

Tired of hiding.
Tired of skipping out on moments with my kids.
Tired of letting shame control my life.

So I decided to stop waiting until I was “better” to start living again. I made a choice, not to love every inch of myself overnight, but to at least stop punishing my body for not looking like it used to, or like somebody else’s.

I started standing in the mirror a little longer. I started taking pictures again, even on the days I wasn’t feeling like my best self. I wore the dress, went to the brunch, danced in my living room with the lights on. And slowly, I began to feel like myself again. Not because my body changed, but because my mindset did.

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Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a process. I still have days where I struggle. There are still times I catch my reflection and that old voice creeps in, ready to tear me down. But now, I talk back. Now, I remind myself of what this body has carried. Not just babies, but pain, trauma, heartbreak, stress, and still managed to get me through every single day.

This body deserves more than criticism. It deserves grace.
It deserves joy.
It deserves to be seen.

I’m not hiding anymore. I’ve done enough of that. And I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking that’s what confidence looks like, shrinking yourself just to fit in, just to be loved, just to be accepted. I want her to see her mom showing up in full. Not because I think I’m perfect, but because I finally know I don’t have to be.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re too much, not enough, too soft, too big, too different, just know I see you. I’ve been you. And I still have days where I am you.

But I’m learning to take up space anyway.

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You don’t have to wait until you lose 10 pounds or until your stomach is flat to start living. You don’t have to skip the beach or crop yourself out of the photo. You don’t have to wear that extra layer just to feel less noticeable.

You are not a before or after photo.
You’re a whole, complex, beautiful woman right now.

So wear the thing.
Take the picture.
Get in the frame.
Show up for your life, even if your confidence is still catching up.

Because this body?
It’s carried you through everything.
And it deserves to be loved, not later, but today.

Who is Caring for You?

Self-care is the deliberate and proactive effort we make to take care of ourselves physically and emotionally. It’s about making time for yourself and prioritizing your own well-being. In today’s fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with demands and responsibilities, it’s easy to neglect our own needs and forget to take care of ourselves. However, self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for a fulfilling life.

The term self-care has become increasingly popular in recent years, and for good reason. In today's fast-paced, demanding world, it is all too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life and neglect our own well-being. However, taking care of ourselves is essential for a fulfilling life. From physical health to emotional stability, self-care can provide numerous benefits that can improve our overall quality of life.

Self-care involves engaging in activities and practices that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include anything from taking a relaxing bath to exercising regularly to spending time with loved ones. It's important to note that self-care looks different for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is to find what works best for you and make self-care a priority in your life.

In this blog, we will explore the many benefits of self-care, including improved physical health, increased emotional stability, enhanced productivity and motivation, and a greater sense of purpose and meaning. By taking care of ourselves, we can live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.

Why is Self-Care Important?

Self-care is crucial for our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When we neglect our own needs and prioritize the needs of others, we can quickly become burned out and overwhelmed. This can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, decreased motivation and productivity, and an overall decrease in our quality of life. On the other hand, when we prioritize self-care, we can experience improved physical health, increased emotional stability, and a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Types of Self-Care:

Physical Self-Care: This type of self-care involves taking care of your physical health and well-being. This can include activities such as regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and managing stress levels.

Emotional Self-Care: This type of self-care involves taking care of your emotional health. This can include activities such as journaling, practicing mindfulness, spending time in nature, or simply doing something that brings you joy and peace.

Mental Self-Care: This type of self-care involves taking care of your mental health. This can include activities such as meditation, therapy, reading, or engaging in creative activities. Mental self-care is an important aspect of overall well-being and is essential for managing stress, reducing anxiety, and improving mood. Mental self-care can involve engaging in activities that promote positive thinking, reduce stress, and increase feelings of calm and relaxation.

Spiritual Self-Care: This type of self-care involves connecting with a higher power or something greater than oneself. This can include practices such as prayer, mindfulness, or connecting with nature.

Social Self-Care: This type of self-care involves connecting with others and building meaningful relationships. This can include activities such as spending time with loved ones, volunteering, or participating in community events.

Creative Self-Care: This type of self-care involves engaging in creative activities that bring joy and fulfillment. This can include activities such as painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument.

It's important to note that self-care can look different for everyone, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is to find what works best for you and make self-care a priority in your life. Whether it's physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, social, or creative self-care, taking care of yourself can bring numerous benefits and help you lead a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

The Benefits of Self-Care:

Self-care has numerous benefits, both in the short-term and the long-term. Some of the benefits of self-care include:

• Improved physical health: When we prioritize self-care, we make time for healthy habits and behaviors that can improve our physical health, such as exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep.

• Increased emotional stability: By taking care of our emotional needs, we can improve our emotional well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, and increase our overall happiness and fulfillment.

• Enhanced productivity and motivation: When we are well-rested and emotionally balanced, we have the energy and drive to tackle our daily responsibilities and pursue our goals.

• Greater sense of purpose and meaning: When we prioritize self-care, we have the space and time to reflect on our values, goals, and what truly matters to us. This can lead to a greater sense of purpose and meaning in our lives.

How to Incorporate Self-Care into Your Life:

Incorporating self-care into your daily routine can seem daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some tips for making self-care a priority in your life:

• Make time for self-care: Set aside time each day, or each week, for self-care activities. Whether it’s a daily yoga practice, or a weekly date with yourself, make sure you make self-care a priority.

• Experiment and find what works for you: Try different self-care activities and see what resonates with you. Don’t be afraid to experiment and find what works best for you.

• Get support: Surround yourself with people who support your self-care journey. This can be friends, family, or a therapist or counselor.

• Be kind and compassionate to yourself: Remember that self-care is a journey, and it’s okay to make mistakes. 

In conclusion, self-care is a necessary component of a fulfilling life. By prioritizing our own needs and taking care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally, we can experience improved physical health, increased emotional stability, enhanced productivity and motivation, and a greater sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. Remember, self-care is a journey, and it’s important to be kind and compassionate to yourself as you make self-care a priority in your life. So make time for self-care, experiment with different activities, get support from loved ones, and embrace the journey. Your well-being is worth it!

Learning What to Accept and When to Let Go...

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, twists and turns, victories and defeats, and it's easy to get caught up in the turmoil of everyday challenges. From broken relationships to unfulfilled dreams, there are countless obstacles that can weigh us down and make us feel like we're stuck in a rut. However, the path to inner peace lies in the power of acceptance and letting go.

Acceptance is a vital aspect of finding inner peace. It is the act of acknowledging what has happened or what is currently happening in our lives. It doesn't mean that we approve or condone what has happened, but rather that we recognize and acknowledge the situation. By accepting the situation, we can begin to move forward and find peace within ourselves. Acceptance is about letting go of the past and the things that we cannot change, and focusing on the present moment.

Acceptance requires us to be honest with ourselves and others. We must recognize and accept the things that we cannot change and have the courage to make the necessary changes to improve our lives. Acceptance is not about giving up or giving in, but rather about facing reality and taking action to make the most of the situation. It can be a difficult process, but it is essential for our emotional and mental well-being.

Letting go is another crucial aspect of finding inner peace. It means releasing the emotional attachment to a situation or person. It doesn't mean that we forget or ignore what happened, but rather that we allow ourselves to move forward without holding onto negative emotions. When we let go, we free ourselves from the emotional burden and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Letting go means forgiving ourselves and others, and releasing any anger, resentment, or bitterness that we may be holding onto.

The process of acceptance and letting go can be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. It requires us to be vulnerable and to face our emotions head-on. We must be willing to let go of our need for control and allow ourselves to surrender to what is. The process can be slow and gradual, but over time, we will begin to notice a shift in our mindset and a sense of inner peace that was previously unavailable.

Here are some steps you can take to start the process of acceptance and letting go:

• Take the time to recognize how you feel about the situation or person that you are struggling to accept or let go of.

• Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment.

• Avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Stay in the present moment and focus on what you can control.

• Meditation and other mindfulness practices can help you stay present and focused.

• Talk to a trusted friend or seek professional help if you need support during the process.

• Take time each day to focus on the things that you are grateful for in your life.

• Reflect on how you have handled similar situations in the past, and what worked or didn't work for you. Use this knowledge to inform your approach to acceptance and letting go.

In conclusion, acceptance and letting go are essential components of finding inner peace. By acknowledging our emotions, practicing self-compassion, focusing on the present, seeking support, practicing mindfulness, and reflecting on past experiences, we can begin to let go of the negative emotions that are holding us back. The journey to inner peace may not be easy, but with time and patience, we can find the peace and contentment that we all seek. Ultimately, the path to inner peace lies within ourselves, and it is up to us to take the necessary steps to find it.

Uncover Your True Potential

Self-discovery is a journey that can be both exciting and challenging. It's the process of understanding who you are, what you believe in, and what you want out of life. It's about uncovering your true potential and living a life that is authentic and meaningful to you. The art of self-discovery is not just about understanding yourself, but also about understanding how you fit into the world around you.

One of the first steps to uncovering your true potential is to develop self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It's about being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding how they impact your life. By becoming more self-aware, you can begin to identify patterns and habits that may be holding you back, and take steps to change them.

Another important step in the journey of self-discovery is setting goals. Goals give you direction and purpose, and help you focus on what you want to achieve in life. Setting goals for yourself can help you identify your passions and interests, and give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve them. When setting goals, it's important to make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

To truly uncover your true potential, it's important to take action. It's one thing to set goals and have aspirations, but it's another to take the necessary steps to achieve them. This means being disciplined and motivated, and taking the time to work towards your goals every day. It also means being willing to take risks and step out of your comfort zone, as this is often where true growth and development occur.

Another important aspect of self-discovery is self-reflection. Self-reflection is the process of taking time to think about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and how they have shaped you. It's about understanding your past and how it has influenced your present. By reflecting on your experiences, you can gain a better understanding of yourself, and identify patterns and behaviors that may be holding you back.

In addition to self-reflection, journaling can also be a valuable tool in the journey of self-discovery. Journaling allows you to process your thoughts and feelings, and can also serve as a record of your progress. It's a great way to track your goals, and to reflect on your experiences and what you have learned from them.

In addition to all of the above, self-discovery also involves learning to love and accept yourself. It's about understanding that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness, and that you have the power to create the life you want. It's about embracing your flaws and imperfections, and learning to see the beauty in them.

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey that requires patience, perseverance, and an open mind. It's not always easy, and there will be times when you feel lost or uncertain. But with the right mindset and approach, you can uncover your true potential and live a life that is authentic and meaningful to you.

In conclusion, the art of self-discovery is a journey of understanding yourself, your values and beliefs, and what you want to achieve in life. It requires you to develop self-awareness, set goals, take action, reflect on your experiences and thoughts, journal, and most importantly to love and accept yourself. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong journey, so be patient and stay committed to it, eventually you will uncover your true potential.

Can I have a little bit of grace?

Every day, I find myself questioning whether or not I am good at enough at any of the things that are currently my responsibility. I question whether I am doing all of the right things as a mom, a wife, a student, an employee, etc.. This morning around 0330, it dawned on me that I don’t have to be perfect at everything. There has only ever been one perfect person, and He understands and loves my imperfections. So why have I been beating myself up about them? As a mom, I think that it is hard for me to be okay with making a mistake. I mean, I have been given the responsibility of shaping my son and daughter into the people that they will be for the rest of their lives. That is a huge responsibility.

I want them to be wonderful human beings and I know that my influence will help shape that, but I also know that everyone makes mistakes. It is inevitable. Parenthood does not come with a step by step manual that you can follow day by day to make sure that you are hitting every single point perfectly. That is unrealistic and could you imagine how long that would take someone to actually come up with that? And who has the authority to actually say what the right and wrong way to parent would be? It is so disheartening when I am on social media and I see women bashing other women about the way that they are parenting their children. Unless someone is abusing or neglecting their child, I don’t think anyone has the right to say that what one person is doing is wrong. It is probably what works best for their life and we have no right to judge that.

I am a strong believer in the saying that you can’t tell me how to live my life unless you have first walked a mile in my shoes. Until you know exactly what someone is dealing with, you will never be the expert on what they should or should not be doing with their children, their marriage, their career or any other aspect of life. I find it extremely difficult to believe that I am doing every single thing in my life 100% well every single day, but I have learned to give myself a little bit of grace. I looked at a pile of clothes that I knew needed to be folded last night and I opted to read my kids two more bedtime stories instead. Normally, I would have stayed up really late folding the clothes, but I had other things that I needed to do and I will fold the clothes. There won’t be any war on laundry happening in the next few hours, so I am sure it will be fine.

I am taking this approach with every aspect of my life. I am going to prioritize the things that matter and make sure that I am accomplishing those to the best of my abilities instead of trying to do everything all at once. This approach makes the planner in me a little bit nervous, but I know that in order to be good at anything, I have to be great emotionally, mentally and physically and I know that being stressed out and exhausted about everything was actually accomplishing nothing. So, I am prepared to tackle today and I will be okay with leaving a few things undone as long as I know that the things I did complete were done to the best of my abilities. Isn’t that what life is about anyway?

Did you just body check me?

Yesterday on my lunchbreak, I decided to go to DSW and see what was new in the world of shoes. DSW is one of my happy places and after the day that I had yesterday, I needed to just go somewhere quiet, look at pretty things and relax. I had a full blown concert in my car on the way there. I am talking full out singing and choreography and I did not care who saw me. I did make a mental note to get my front windows tinted a little darker though. Anyway, I was feeling pretty great by the time that I got there.

As I am walking up, there is a mother and daughter walking up at the exact same time. It was that awkward meet at the door type of timing when you don’t actually know who should open the door, so everyone tries to go for it and then you spend a couple of milliseconds going, “you go. No you go. No really, you go.” I opened the door for them and let them walk in a head of me. The young girl says, oh thank you so much. The mom (I am assuming), says nothing, but instead proceeds to give me the up, down, up body scan. I have dubbed this the “body check”, thanks to multiple binge sessions watching Drop Dead Diva. Just to clarify, this isn’t like the hockey body check where we rammed our bodies into one another, but that is kind of what it feels like emotionally and mentally.

I was a little taken aback by this. Not because it is the first time that I have ever been body checked, but because she was so blatantly obvious when she did it. Other people do it as you walk by or while your back is to them. I guess that is the socially “appropriate” way to body check someone. I knew that she was aware that I had seen her because when she made it back up to my face, I just smiled, nodded and said “oh my gosh. I love your shoes”. She seemed startled by my response. I am not quite sure what she expected me to do, but I was not going to let her ruin my mood.

This interaction did make me think though. Why are women so fixated on what another woman’s body looks like? Like who cares? It is there body and unless you are my doctor, I don’t think it is necessary for you to give me any type of once over. Women are so hard on each other when it comes to passing judgement that it is one of the very reasons that I don’t have very many female friends. I don’t have time for the judgement or drama. I have never seen a group of men looking each other up and down, unless they are planning to fight.

So why as women are we so hard on each other? Why are we not uplifting and encouraging each other? I don’t think this lady was trying to spark some deep internal thought within me, and I don’t even know if she was trying to be malicious, but a few months ago, it probably would have bruised my self-esteem to have her look at me that way. Now, I realize that when people are nasty to you, it is a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person. I still enjoyed my time in DSW and her daughter even asked my opinion on a pair of shoes that she was looking at.

In your interactions with others, just remember that you have no idea what they are going through in life. My parents always told me that our tongues have the power of speaking life or death into a person, so choose your words and actions wisely. I did great and did not buy any shoes yesterday, but I did pick out the pair that I am going to reward myself with when I reach my next goal. I am only 5.6lbs away from it, so stay tuned.