Don't Fake it Until You Make It: 3 Strategies to Help you Stop Faking Confidence and Truly Heal

Confidence is not just a superficial facade; it is an inner state of being that emanates from a place of self-assuredness and authenticity. As a confidence and life transformation coach, I understand the struggle many women face in trying to project confidence while feeling a deep sense of insecurity within. In this blog post, I will guide you on a journey towards stopping the act of faking confidence and instead embracing genuine healing. By implementing the three key strategies I will share, you can transform your life and unlock your true potential. Are you ready to embark on this empowering journey?

Embrace Vulnerability:
One of the greatest misconceptions about confidence is that it requires an impenetrable shield against vulnerability. In reality, true confidence stems from embracing vulnerability and using it as a catalyst for growth. To stop faking confidence and begin the healing process, it is essential to acknowledge and honor your emotions, fears, and insecurities. Understand that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a gateway to your authentic self.

a. Practice Self-Reflection: Set aside regular moments of introspection to explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask yourself tough questions and delve deep into your emotions. This process allows you to identify the root causes of your lack of genuine confidence and initiate the healing journey.

b. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer to a loved one. Acknowledge that everyone has moments of self-doubt and that it is okay to experience vulnerability. Embrace self-compassion as a crucial tool in healing and building genuine confidence.

Rediscover Your Core Values:
When you fake confidence, you may find yourself living according to society's expectations or trying to fit into predefined molds. However, true healing and confidence come from aligning your actions and beliefs with your core values. By reconnecting with your authentic self, you can step into your power and exude confidence effortlessly.

a. Identify Your Core Values: Take the time to reflect on your values, the principles and beliefs that define who you are at your core. Ask yourself what truly matters to you and what you stand for. This process will help you gain clarity and set a solid foundation for authentic confidence.

b. Align Your Actions: Once you have identified your core values, align your daily actions and decisions with them. This consistency between your values and behavior creates a sense of integrity, which is a powerful driver of genuine confidence. Challenge yourself to make choices that reflect your true self, even if they may be uncomfortable or defy societal norms.

Transform Your Mindset:
A mindset shift is essential to stop faking confidence and embrace lasting transformation. It involves rewiring your thoughts and beliefs to align with your newfound self-worth and authentic identity. By adopting a growth mindset and challenging self-limiting beliefs, you can break free from the cycle of insecurity and step into a life of genuine confidence.

a. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Become aware of the negative self-talk patterns that hold you back. Replace self-limiting beliefs with empowering affirmations and positive self-statements. Surround yourself with uplifting and supportive influences that reinforce your newfound confidence.

b. Embrace Growth and Learning: View challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth. Embrace a mindset of continuous learning and personal development. When you approach life with a growth-oriented perspective, you open yourself up to new possibilities and become more resilient in the face of adversity.

Congratulations! By implementing the three strategies outlined above, you are well on your way to stopping the act of faking confidence and embarking on a genuine healing journey. Remember, healing takes time, patience, and dedication. However, you don't have to go through this transformation alone.

If you are ready to accelerate your healing journey and unlock your true potential, I invite you to join my 12-week transformative coaching program. In this program, I will provide you with personalized guidance, support, and tools to deepen your self-awareness, build authentic confidence, and transform your life. Together, we will embark on a transformative journey that will empower you to show up as your most empowered and authentic self.

Are you ready to take the next step towards genuine healing and lasting confidence? Reach out to me today and let's begin this transformative journey together. Remember, you deserve to live a life of true confidence and empowerment.

Focus on Your Strengths!

Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions of life, without really knowing what your purpose is or what makes you truly unique? It's a common feeling, but it doesn't have to be that way. By identifying and leveraging your core character strengths, you can unlock a sense of purpose and fulfillment that can help you achieve greater things in life.

So, what are core character strengths? These are the positive qualities that are part of your innate personality and shape how you think, feel, and behave. They're the things that come naturally to you and make you stand out from others. Identifying your core character strengths is an important step in understanding yourself and your potential.

Identifying Your Core Character Strengths

There are many ways to identify your core character strengths, but one of the most popular methods is the VIA Character Strengths Assessment. This assessment was developed by psychologists Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman and measures 24 universal strengths across six broad categories: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence.

To take the assessment, you'll answer a series of questions about yourself, and the results will show you which of the 24 strengths are your top five. Once you know your core character strengths, you can start to think about how you can use them to achieve greater things in life.

For example, if your top strength is creativity, you might consider pursuing a career in a creative field or using your creativity to solve problems in your personal and professional life. If your top strength is kindness, you might focus on building strong relationships with others and finding ways to help those in need.

Another way to identify your core character strengths is to reflect on personal experiences where you felt particularly engaged, energized, and fulfilled. Think about activities where you lost track of time or felt in "flow." What strengths did you use during those experiences? Were you using your creativity, leadership skills, or teamwork abilities?

The third step in identifying your core character strengths is to seek feedback from others. Ask trusted friends, family, or colleagues to share their perspectives on your strengths. What do they see as your unique talents or abilities? What do they admire most about you? This feedback can help you gain a better understanding of how others see you and how you can use your strengths to benefit yourself and others.

By using your core character strengths in meaningful ways, you'll not only feel more fulfilled and purposeful, but you'll also be more effective in achieving your goals. Studies have shown that people who use their strengths regularly are happier, more engaged, and more productive than those who don't.

Of course, identifying your core character strengths is just the first step. To truly leverage them, you'll need to develop them and use them intentionally. This might involve seeking out opportunities to use your strengths, practicing them in your daily life, and seeking feedback from others to help you refine them.

 

Using Your Core Character Strengths for Greater Success and Fulfillment

Once you have identified your core character strengths, it's important to find ways to use them in your daily life. Here are three ways to apply your strengths for greater success and fulfillment:

1. Find Work or Activities that Align with Your Strengths

Identifying your core character strengths can help you find work or activities that align with your strengths, increasing your chances of success and satisfaction. Using your core character strengths at work can help you excel in your job and find more fulfillment in your career. For example, if you're strong in creativity, consider pursuing a career in the arts or design. If you have strong leadership skills, consider taking on a management role at work or volunteering for a leadership position in your community.

2. Use Your Strengths to Connect with Others

Your core character strengths can also help you cultivate stronger relationships with others. For example, if your top strength is empathy, you can use that strength to connect with others on a deeper level, understand their perspectives and build stronger relationships. If you're strong in humor, use this strength to lighten the mood and bring joy to others. If your top strength is kindness, you can show kindness to others in your daily interactions, which can help build trust and strengthen relationships.

3. Develop Your Strengths Further

Finally, once you have identified your core character strengths, continue to develop them further. Consider taking classes, reading books, or seeking out mentors to help you improve your skills and deepen your understanding of your strengths.

4. Develop Resilience

Your core character strengths can also help you develop resilience in the face of challenges and adversity. For example, if your top strength is perseverance, you can use that strength to stay motivated and keep pushing forward when faced with obstacles. If your top strength is optimism, you can use that strength to maintain a positive outlook and find opportunities in even the most difficult situations.

5. Find More Fulfillment in Life

Using your core character strengths to achieve your goals and find fulfillment in life requires intentional effort. For example, if your top strength is curiosity, you can look for opportunities to learn and explore new things. If your top strength is gratitude, you can cultivate a daily gratitude practice, which can help you find more joy and fulfillment in your life.

It's also important to recognize that your core character strengths are not fixed or immutable. You can develop and strengthen them over time with practice and effort. By focusing on your strengths and using them intentionally, you can become the best version of yourself and achieve greater things than you ever thought possible.

In conclusion, identifying and leveraging your core character strengths is essential to achieving greater success and fulfillment in life. Understanding your strengths requires self-reflection and self-awareness, and taking a character strengths assessment can also be helpful. Once you've identified your strengths, it's crucial to learn how to use them effectively, whether it's at work, in your relationships, or in your personal life.

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thinking: How to Cultivate a Positive Mindset

Negative thinking can be a difficult habit to break, but it's important to recognize that it's not a permanent state of mind. Negative thoughts can lead to feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and sadness, and can even affect our physical health. But the good news is that by changing our thoughts and attitudes, we can improve our mental and physical well-being.

One of the most effective ways to break the cycle of negative thinking is to challenge negative thoughts when they arise. Negative thoughts can be irrational, and often they are not based on facts. When you notice yourself thinking negatively, try to question the thought and see if there is any evidence to support it. For example, if you're thinking, "I'll never be able to accomplish this task," ask yourself, "Is that really true? Have I been able to accomplish similar tasks in the past?" Often, we'll find that our negative thoughts are not based on reality and can be reframed in a more positive light.

Another powerful way to cultivate a positive mindset is to practice gratitude. Taking time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for can help shift your focus away from negative thoughts and towards the positive aspects of your life. This can be as simple as writing down three things you're grateful for each day or taking a few minutes to reflect on the good things that have happened to you.

Engaging in positive self-talk is another important step in cultivating a positive mindset. Be mindful of the language you use when speaking to yourself and try to use positive, encouraging words. Instead of saying "I can't do this," try saying "I can do this" or "I'll figure it out." It may sound small, but positive self-talk can have a big impact on our confidence and motivation.

Surrounding yourself with positive people can also play a big role in our mindset. Seek out positive, supportive relationships and spend time with people who bring out the best in you. Positive people will lift you up and help you see the best in yourself. On the other hand, spending time with negative or critical people can bring you down and make it harder to maintain a positive attitude.

Lastly, taking care of yourself is essential to cultivating a positive mindset. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting regular exercise. Taking care of your physical well-being can have a big impact on your mental well-being. When we're tired, stressed, or not feeling well, it can be harder to maintain a positive attitude.

It's also important to note that these strategies take time and practice to see results. Be patient with yourself and keep working on cultivating a positive mindset. Remember that negative thinking is a habit, and like any habit, it can be broken. The more you practice positive thinking, the easier it will become.

In conclusion, negative thinking can be a difficult habit to break, but by challenging negative thoughts, practicing gratitude, engaging in positive self-talk, surrounding ourselves with positive people, and taking care of ourselves, we can cultivate a positive mindset. Remember to be patient with yourself and keep working at it, it will take time and practice to see results. Positive mindset will not only make you feel good, but it will also improve our mental and physical well-being.

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Are you looking to increase your confidence, realign your faith, and create healthy habits that help you transform your life and show up empowered in your everyday life? If so, send me a message, and let’s see if we are a good fit to work together 1:1!

Uncover Your True Potential

Self-discovery is a journey that can be both exciting and challenging. It's the process of understanding who you are, what you believe in, and what you want out of life. It's about uncovering your true potential and living a life that is authentic and meaningful to you. The art of self-discovery is not just about understanding yourself, but also about understanding how you fit into the world around you.

One of the first steps to uncovering your true potential is to develop self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It's about being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding how they impact your life. By becoming more self-aware, you can begin to identify patterns and habits that may be holding you back, and take steps to change them.

Another important step in the journey of self-discovery is setting goals. Goals give you direction and purpose, and help you focus on what you want to achieve in life. Setting goals for yourself can help you identify your passions and interests, and give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve them. When setting goals, it's important to make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

To truly uncover your true potential, it's important to take action. It's one thing to set goals and have aspirations, but it's another to take the necessary steps to achieve them. This means being disciplined and motivated, and taking the time to work towards your goals every day. It also means being willing to take risks and step out of your comfort zone, as this is often where true growth and development occur.

Another important aspect of self-discovery is self-reflection. Self-reflection is the process of taking time to think about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and how they have shaped you. It's about understanding your past and how it has influenced your present. By reflecting on your experiences, you can gain a better understanding of yourself, and identify patterns and behaviors that may be holding you back.

In addition to self-reflection, journaling can also be a valuable tool in the journey of self-discovery. Journaling allows you to process your thoughts and feelings, and can also serve as a record of your progress. It's a great way to track your goals, and to reflect on your experiences and what you have learned from them.

In addition to all of the above, self-discovery also involves learning to love and accept yourself. It's about understanding that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness, and that you have the power to create the life you want. It's about embracing your flaws and imperfections, and learning to see the beauty in them.

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey that requires patience, perseverance, and an open mind. It's not always easy, and there will be times when you feel lost or uncertain. But with the right mindset and approach, you can uncover your true potential and live a life that is authentic and meaningful to you.

In conclusion, the art of self-discovery is a journey of understanding yourself, your values and beliefs, and what you want to achieve in life. It requires you to develop self-awareness, set goals, take action, reflect on your experiences and thoughts, journal, and most importantly to love and accept yourself. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong journey, so be patient and stay committed to it, eventually you will uncover your true potential.

Breaking Through Barriers to Reach Your Goals!

Have you ever had a big goal that you were so excited to accomplish and then you just gave up on it?

One of the reasons we do not face our goals is because when we are faced with an unexpected barrier that we're unsure how to deal with, we shut down. We become discouraged, we start making excuses, and we allow ourselves to back off of our original plan. While this is a human and natural tendency, it's not conducive to success.

God places these big goals in our spirit because He knows that we can accomplish them. He knows that we have the tools within us to succeed, but we have to be willing to go through all of the obstacles and stay the course in order to get there.

An important step that you can take to avoid this barrier blunder is that of carefully planning your goal to include backup plans for all those little "what ifs” and get into spiritual alignment with God.

"What if I don't pass the prerequisite course?"

"What if I don't get the loan?"

"What if I run out of time?"

"What if the marketing doesn't work?"

"What if I just don't feel like it?"

These are all very real barriers that keep us from realizing our life dreams. By planning for them, we greatly improve our chances of succeeding and experience the power of being unstoppable.

What kind of barriers can you preplan?

1. Internal Barriers

Internal barriers include the thoughts you have about your goal, success, and yourself that keep you from being successful. They include your personal fears, motivation, self-esteem, and paradigms.

"What if I just don't feel like doing my assignment?"

Solution - commit to working on it for at least 15 minutes. Then take a break and come back to it later

"What if my fear of the phone keeps me from following through on my marketing campaign?"

Solution - have a friend help me make phone calls. It might not be so bad if I'm not alone.

"What if I find myself procrastinating?"

Solution - ask a friend to call me every day to remind me to spend a little time on my goal. Work on my goal first thing in the morning to get it done and over with.

1. External Barriers

External barriers include barriers such as money, time, other people's reactions, resources, and results. We are not in direct control of them, but we can affect how they work and we can still plan around them.

"What if the client turns down my proposal?"

Solution - ask questions to find out why, and resubmit it.

"What if I forget the worksheets?"

Solution - Scan a copy of it to your email and then find a printer to get new copies made.

"What if I can’t find anything healthy on the menu?"

Solution - look at the restaurant menu ahead of time and find items that fit your way of eating.

When you find yourself faced with internal or external barriers, remember that these things are all a part of a bigger plan. Don’t let them throw you off track. It is in those moments that you should pray, reach out for support, be open to talking through what the barrier is with someone you trust and maybe they can help with ideas to overcome them. 

Don’t let the barriers in life stop you from truly stepping into alignment with who you are and all that you are meant to be.

Practice this technique with even your small, short-term goals. It feels great to know that when a brick wall appears in your path, you have the perfect solution for getting around it and getting back on the road to achievement!

Perfection?!?.....What is that?

Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror, or caught a glimpse of yourself as you are walking past a glass door and immediately saw all of the things that are “wrong” with you? Tragic, right? I have been doing that to myself every day for weeks now! Poor me!! It sounds ridiculous to be so cruel…..to myself, but I know many people that have been there. Even as I am typing this, I am so disappointed that this has become a big enough part of my life that I am blogging about it, but why not? I know I am not the only one that notices the flaws that they have. I know I am not the only person that wishes they could go to sleep with flab and wake up with abs (you see what I did there, rightJ). But why is that the only thing that I strive for? In my case, it is not. I don’t simply want a “perfect” body, because that is so subjective and I will never be “perfect” for everyone. I just simply want to be “perfect” for me. That part is not my issue. My issue is trusting the process.

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As many of you know, I have PCOS and losing weight is a TASK! I smell bread and cookies and gain 5lbs immediately. Not really, but you get what I am saying. So in order to lose weight, I have one thing that I know in the past has given me great results and that is keto. I did it after I had my son and when I tell you I felt the best I have ever felt in my life, I am not exaggerating! I was walking around in a sports bra and leggings for no real reason, but I felt good about myself. Yes, I had loose skin. Yes, I had stretch marks, but I was happy. I lost weight pretty quickly that time around. I lost 70lbs in about 9 months and I was loving it. So, why am I back at this point again, because I got pregnant with my daughter 2 months later and gained weight again. I have absolutely no problem with that, but I knew that mentally losing this weight would be a struggle. Not because I don’t want to lose it, but because it is HARD!

I have never been one to have a ton of self-confidence. Let’s be honest, I was always the chubby one in the group, but I knew that I wanted to be healthy. After my son, I knew that I wanted to feel better about myself so that I could be better for him and I did just that. Now I am on what seems like the same journey, but this time there have been a few rough patches. I mean, life happens whether I am 300lbs or 100lbs and you have to get through it. This time though, life has been hitting me hard and that weighs heavily on my mind. All of that negativity is then internalized and I mentally beat myself up over the thing that bothers me the most: my weight. I struggle with people telling me, “oh, you’re not that big” or my favorite, “you should be happy where you are”. Why though? No one has to live my life but me and I have two small children that I have to live for, but I digress.

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Tuesday morning, I woke up and stepped on my scale and it was the exact same number that it was about a week ago when I weighed in with my trainer. Before we get too far, let me catch you all up. This time around on my journey, I am working out during my weight loss to try and minimize all of the loose skin that I had the last time. I work out with her 2 or 3 days a week and then I work out on my own the other two days. I didn’t start working out the last time until I was about 6 months in to my weight loss journey. A couple of Fridays ago, I weighed in with her and I was down almost 5lbs in a little over 2 weeks and had lost an inch or so off of my waist and chest. I was ecstatic and extremely motivated. Fast-forward to Tuesday and it felt like I hit a brick wall going 1,000mph with no brakes. I was crushed. I looked in the mirror and immediately started ripping myself to shreds.

I was pointing out all of the areas that were imperfect and I kind of wanted to quit, but instead of giving up, I decided to take some pictures instead. I needed to see myself through a different lens, if you will. I am so glad I did. Luckily, I had taken before photos on the morning of my first session with her, so I had something to compare it to. Looking at those pictures made me realize that I was looking at the entire situation incorrectly. I was expecting perfection when I should have simply been applauding myself for the progress that I made. Many times, we get so caught up with getting to the end of something that we forget to celebrate all of the small accomplishments along the way.

This can be applied to so many of the things that we do in life. Whether it is weight loss, school, your job or whatever it is, forget about perfection and focus on progress. I needed to see these pictures of myself to realize that where I currently am is perfect in the sense that I am still moving forward and still doing the very best that I can. Am I where I want to be at the end of my journey? Absolutely not, but am I exactly where I need to be right now. YEP! That is what matters. As long as you are taking the steps and putting the work in to get to where you want to go, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Will there be bumps in the road? Of course, but that is why it is a journey. No matter where you are in journey, or what you are trying to accomplish, set small goals for yourself and celebrate the heck out of them when you reach them. And when you see yourself in that mirror, point out how amazing you are at staying focused and getting to where you want to be :-).

Keto...just do it

I often get asked, how did you start keto? I can’t really say that there was some elaborate plan, I kind of just started. I know that reading all of the information that is available on the internet can be a bit confusing and overwhelming. Keto is not a one-size fits all type of lifestyle change. How are you supposed to know, total carbs versus net carbs, how to calculate your macros, if you should do intermittent fasting or count your calories? It is intense. Having been in your shoes at one point, I know that it can be so overwhelming that it may actually change your mind about starting, but don’t let it deter you.

A ketogenic lifestyle is one of the easiest that I have ever followed. I didn’t have to buy any fancy products. I didn’t have to significantly adjust anything that I was doing on a daily basis, I just had to eat food. Now yes, the food that I was eating changed slightly, but the fact that I could eat and lose weight was the best thing that could have happened to me and I want to help simplify this for all of you as well. The keto lifestyle, when done properly, is a lifestyle that burns fat to provide you sustainable energy. Instead of loading your body up on carbohydrates and added sugars, your body will take all of the foods that you are eating and give you clean healthy energy by putting your body into a fat burning mode.

What do you eat?

For the most part, the keto lifestyle is all about eating high fat, moderate protein and low carb. I have found great success with a 75-20-5 model. My main goal is to not consume more than 20g of net carbs per day. This is where the debate comes in. You will find that some people that say that you should be counting total carbs and others will say net carbs. I am a firm believer in listening to your body and doing what works the best for your body. If you plan to count net carbs, you would look at the nutrition label, make note of the serving size and based on that, you would calculate: Carbohydrates – Dietary Fiber. This will give you the net carbs for the product.

Majority, if not all of your carbs will come from vegetables. I like to keep it simple and stick to the basics. I eat a lot of romaine lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini. Each of these vegetables has a pretty low carb count. I allow myself to have fruit a couple of times a week or more if I really want them, but I stick to berries since they are the lowest in carbs.

I'll be doing a keto for beginners series for the month of May as I kick off my 30 days of keto program. If you want a free sample meal plan, subscribe to receive emails down at the bottom of the page. If you want to take part in the 30 days of keto with me, just follow me on Instagram.. I will post more info and a few graphics there. If you want to start keto, but don't know where to begin and would like a coach who has been where you are, fill out the information request on tube work with me page and we can get started right away! I can't wait to see your results in 30 days :-)

My weightloss before I got pregnant with my daughter. I was only doing keto during this time.

Don't be a passenger

Have you ever just had one of those days where you can literally feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? Well, my day has become months. As I was traveling to NC yesterday, I had nothing but time to think. I mean between the breakdowns, snack requests and bathroom stops, I had time to really just sit and think about life. I have a love/hate relationship with freetime. Maybe hate is a really harsh word, but I guess it would more of a love/dislike relationship. Whenever I have freetime, my brain tends to think that is the best time to make a rapid fire slideshow of everything that has happened in my life over the last 30 years. Talk about overwhelming, right?
On this trip though, I only got the last 5 years in rapid playback and I felt like I was an outsider that was just watching a movie. Some of the things that I was seeing I didn't even remember living through and that made me sad. I realized that I had been an outsider in my own life! Who does that?? Me apparently.
As I thought about this more, I found out that there was a pattern. Anytime that there was a stressful, angering, or traumatic event, I basically just cruised through the days, weeks, and months after that. I was clearly living my life, but I wasn't taking part in my own life. I was carrying the stress, anger, sadness and fear from day to day and it was altering my view of my life. I need to know how to fix this! I know that I can't go back and relive the past two years, even though I would like to. I can only make a change moving forward.
But what can I do? I'm going to experience things that stress, upset, anger and sadden me, but how do I stop that from influencing all of the moments after that? I've got to let those moments be just that, moments. I can't dwell in that negative space. I have to be okay with living in that moment and then moving forward. I don't want to simply go through life. I want to be present and truly live each moment of my life. The only way to do that is to stop allowing negative emotions to drive my life. Doing that is like going through life with colored shades on. You can never truly enjoy or experience what you are looking at until you take the shades off.
From this moment on, I won't allow a bad moment to ruin my day or week. Just take a deep breath in and release!


XOXO

Protect your peace

I often get asked why I don’t socialize with many people. I don’t find it odd or different, it is simply who I am. As a child, I moved around A LOT! My dad was active duty Army, so every few years we moved. I have and probably always will be shy and a bit socially awkward just because it is literally who I am. I tend to shy away from getting really close to people really fast. I take time and watch them interact with others. I was this way as a child. My mom loves to tell this story of me in Kindergarten, while in Germany, she would come to pick me up every day and I would be hanging out with the teacher instead of having free play time with the other children in my class. She finds the story extremely funny because she paid for me to go to school for the purpose of learning to socialize with other children, but that is the exact opposite of what I had in mind.

I carried that with me through all of my childhood and into adulthood. I am that person that smiles when you say hello and I try not to engage in a lot of personal conversation until I have multiple “surface level” conversations and feel like I have a good handle on who you are as a person. And even then, I won’t divulge my deepest darkest secrets. Although, people tend to want to share their entire life story with me pretty quickly. I have been told that I have a very friendly face. Thank you, I think… Anyway, the reason that I am not looking to change the way that I interact with and develop new friendships is because this way, I am able to protect my peace. Let me explain what I mean by that. If I were out here just becoming friends with everyone, I would be guaranteed to eventually have to deal with someone else’s negative attitude and drama constantly. I am not saying that the few friends I have right now don’t go through things, but we are all close enough to understand ourselves and each other and we don’t try to bring each other down.

We know what to expect from each other and we tend to try and uplift each other as much as possible. This helps me protect the peace that I like to have in my life. I know if one of them calls me with an issue, they need me in that moment, but they don’t project their emotions onto me. I listen and empathize and also sympathize with them in most cases and then they plot a path forward and we don’t disrupt each other’s peace. These relationships have been cultivated for years and I have a hard time allowing others into the space that I have because I don’t want to upset that balance that I have found. I guess that it is also a fear of the unknown in some ways as well. Some people are so good at pretending, that they have themselves fooled about who they really are as well. I also use the word friend in very different ways. I have some “friends” that are actually more like family and that is my innermost circle. They are the people that I can speak with freely and they can do the same with me. I also have just friends. These are people that I will talk to, but not share everything with and I tend not to get closer to them and then I have very few people that I just associate with if necessary. These are people that I am not sure if I can trust, but I don’t want to push them away because they haven’t given me a reason to, I just haven’t gotten a good sense of who they are a person.

In my 30 years of life, I have been hurt more times than I can even count, so the combination of that and my overall shy personality, I truly try not to let anyone in to my life that I feel will negatively impact the peaceful space that I have created. You just never know what some peoples intentions are and while I try to keep an open mind and “hunt the good stuff” in everyone that I meet, I have a very discerning spirit and I can often tell a lot about a person in the first few interactions that I have with them. Your peace should always be your number one concern. Think about it this way, if you knew that someone wanted to steal from you, would you let them into your house? No, right? So why would you let them into your life at all? I have worked really hard to gain inner peace, and now with children, it is even more important for me that I maintain that, so I refuse to allow an outsider ruin that. I have learned that there is very little that I can control on a day to day basis, but I know that I can control how I interact with others and what I am putting into the universe and what I allow in my little universe. The world tends to focus on negativity and a constant negative headspace can leave you upset and bitter, so I try to focus on the good things and with that, it means that I don’t allow strangers to invade my peace of mind. It has allowed me to become extremely close to the people that I do have in my life and it gives me the ability to control my own outlook without being tainted by the intentions of others. In every interaction, remember to protect you peace.

Can I have a little bit of grace?

Every day, I find myself questioning whether or not I am good at enough at any of the things that are currently my responsibility. I question whether I am doing all of the right things as a mom, a wife, a student, an employee, etc.. This morning around 0330, it dawned on me that I don’t have to be perfect at everything. There has only ever been one perfect person, and He understands and loves my imperfections. So why have I been beating myself up about them? As a mom, I think that it is hard for me to be okay with making a mistake. I mean, I have been given the responsibility of shaping my son and daughter into the people that they will be for the rest of their lives. That is a huge responsibility.

I want them to be wonderful human beings and I know that my influence will help shape that, but I also know that everyone makes mistakes. It is inevitable. Parenthood does not come with a step by step manual that you can follow day by day to make sure that you are hitting every single point perfectly. That is unrealistic and could you imagine how long that would take someone to actually come up with that? And who has the authority to actually say what the right and wrong way to parent would be? It is so disheartening when I am on social media and I see women bashing other women about the way that they are parenting their children. Unless someone is abusing or neglecting their child, I don’t think anyone has the right to say that what one person is doing is wrong. It is probably what works best for their life and we have no right to judge that.

I am a strong believer in the saying that you can’t tell me how to live my life unless you have first walked a mile in my shoes. Until you know exactly what someone is dealing with, you will never be the expert on what they should or should not be doing with their children, their marriage, their career or any other aspect of life. I find it extremely difficult to believe that I am doing every single thing in my life 100% well every single day, but I have learned to give myself a little bit of grace. I looked at a pile of clothes that I knew needed to be folded last night and I opted to read my kids two more bedtime stories instead. Normally, I would have stayed up really late folding the clothes, but I had other things that I needed to do and I will fold the clothes. There won’t be any war on laundry happening in the next few hours, so I am sure it will be fine.

I am taking this approach with every aspect of my life. I am going to prioritize the things that matter and make sure that I am accomplishing those to the best of my abilities instead of trying to do everything all at once. This approach makes the planner in me a little bit nervous, but I know that in order to be good at anything, I have to be great emotionally, mentally and physically and I know that being stressed out and exhausted about everything was actually accomplishing nothing. So, I am prepared to tackle today and I will be okay with leaving a few things undone as long as I know that the things I did complete were done to the best of my abilities. Isn’t that what life is about anyway?

Did you just body check me?

Yesterday on my lunchbreak, I decided to go to DSW and see what was new in the world of shoes. DSW is one of my happy places and after the day that I had yesterday, I needed to just go somewhere quiet, look at pretty things and relax. I had a full blown concert in my car on the way there. I am talking full out singing and choreography and I did not care who saw me. I did make a mental note to get my front windows tinted a little darker though. Anyway, I was feeling pretty great by the time that I got there.

As I am walking up, there is a mother and daughter walking up at the exact same time. It was that awkward meet at the door type of timing when you don’t actually know who should open the door, so everyone tries to go for it and then you spend a couple of milliseconds going, “you go. No you go. No really, you go.” I opened the door for them and let them walk in a head of me. The young girl says, oh thank you so much. The mom (I am assuming), says nothing, but instead proceeds to give me the up, down, up body scan. I have dubbed this the “body check”, thanks to multiple binge sessions watching Drop Dead Diva. Just to clarify, this isn’t like the hockey body check where we rammed our bodies into one another, but that is kind of what it feels like emotionally and mentally.

I was a little taken aback by this. Not because it is the first time that I have ever been body checked, but because she was so blatantly obvious when she did it. Other people do it as you walk by or while your back is to them. I guess that is the socially “appropriate” way to body check someone. I knew that she was aware that I had seen her because when she made it back up to my face, I just smiled, nodded and said “oh my gosh. I love your shoes”. She seemed startled by my response. I am not quite sure what she expected me to do, but I was not going to let her ruin my mood.

This interaction did make me think though. Why are women so fixated on what another woman’s body looks like? Like who cares? It is there body and unless you are my doctor, I don’t think it is necessary for you to give me any type of once over. Women are so hard on each other when it comes to passing judgement that it is one of the very reasons that I don’t have very many female friends. I don’t have time for the judgement or drama. I have never seen a group of men looking each other up and down, unless they are planning to fight.

So why as women are we so hard on each other? Why are we not uplifting and encouraging each other? I don’t think this lady was trying to spark some deep internal thought within me, and I don’t even know if she was trying to be malicious, but a few months ago, it probably would have bruised my self-esteem to have her look at me that way. Now, I realize that when people are nasty to you, it is a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person. I still enjoyed my time in DSW and her daughter even asked my opinion on a pair of shoes that she was looking at.

In your interactions with others, just remember that you have no idea what they are going through in life. My parents always told me that our tongues have the power of speaking life or death into a person, so choose your words and actions wisely. I did great and did not buy any shoes yesterday, but I did pick out the pair that I am going to reward myself with when I reach my next goal. I am only 5.6lbs away from it, so stay tuned.

One Small Step

I have been dreading writing about anything remotely close to my fitness goals these past few weeks and then I thought, why? I have nothing to hide and I should not be ashamed of where I am right now. My body grew a tiny human last year and I am working on it. During my pregnancy, I gained weight. Duh, right! It took me 9-months to gain the weight and I have been beating myself up the past 5 months because my body didn’t simply snapback to before. I just recently realized how ridiculous I was being, so I decided to set small goals for myself.

“There is always a step small enough from where we are to get us to where we want to be. If we take that small step, there’s always another we can take, and eventually a goal thought to be too far to reach becomes achievable”

— Ellen Langer

Instead of looking at my end goal, I have determined a series of small goals that are much less daunting. I mean seriously, losing 10 lbs seems much more doable than losing 40! That just means I have to lose 10lbs 4 times. See how manageable that sounds. Plus, I have decided to reward myself each time I meet one of my goals.

Once I thought that plan through, I actually made myself a reward chart. I mean let’s be honest, we all like to get our little gold stars when we accomplish something. It pleases the toddler inside of me. I know feel like I am ready to actually get to where I want to be. With two kids and working full-time, I have to actually make time to go to the gym. I have been making excuses the past few weeks, so I have not been going as much as I was before, but I think that I have found my drive again.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one”

— Mark Twain

I want to wear a two piece bathing suit for the first time in my life! It may not happen in time for this summer, but I know that I will at least make my goal of wearing a cute tankini or high-waisted suit this year. I will be posting update pictures as well as pictures of my rewards on my Instagram, so go follow me there for weekly updates!

I am trying out a pescatarian keto lifestyle, so if you want to join me on my weight loss journey or if you aren’t sure how to get started either fill out the contact form on this page or DM me on Instagram and let’s reach these goals together!

Hey Google, what’s my purpose?

Since I retired from the Army in 2014, I feel like I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to find where I belong. When I was serving on active duty, I felt like I knew my why. I had a plan for life. I enjoyed getting up and going to work because I knew that each day that I put in the work, I was one step closer to my ultimate goal of being a warrant officer in my field. I was actually in the process of applying for an assignment that would give me a leg up on my competition, when life hit me like a brick wall!

I was thrown so far off of what I thought my purpose was that in the past five years, I have spent countless hours trying to simply recalibrate my life. I was given only one option and it wasn’t really an option, it was a mandate. I was getting retired. I was broken and could not be fixed. These were the words spoken to me by my doctor as I set in his office trying to convince him to reverse his recommendation. He told me, “Sgt. Lyons, your unit is not looking out for you. Constantly breaking your profile and trying to be a 100% soldier is going to have you crippled and bound to a wheelchair by the age of thirty and by the time that you get to that point, the Army is going to force you out. But I want to give you a chance to have a better quality of life”. His statement shook me to my core. Being wheelchair bound was not part of my plan, so I sucked it up and went through the process.

Fast forward five years, and my life has changed tremendously. I have two amazing kids, I have a full-time job, and I am almost at the end of my degree. A lot of people would say it seems like you have found your purpose, but I disagree. Yes, I am a mom, but that is not all that I am meant to be. I give my kids 100% of me and I am raising them to be healthy members of society, but if I attach my entire identity to being a mom, I am not fulfilling my own personal purpose. I am not saying that having children doesn’t give me drive or fulfill my life, but I am saying that they give me the drive to be the best me that I can be and that pushes me to want to do more.

I am very grateful for my job, and not to sound cocky, I am really good at my job. It gives me a reason to leave my house every day and when given the opportunity, I can accomplish quite a bit. The kicker is, I am helping achieve someone else’s purpose. I enjoy what I am doing, but I am not driven or challenged in the way that I was in the Army. I don’t feel like there are many things that I can strive to be in this job other than being the best I can be in my current position. It’s like there is an invisible glass ceiling and I can’t go any further than where I currently am. So what do I do?

The past few months I have thought about this more than a few times. I have made lists and even lists about those lists. Clearly, I just enjoy making lists. But, I have not figured out where I need to be or even what I am supposed to be doing. I have not had my “aha” moment where an idea just lights a fire in my soul. Wouldn’t it be nice if we just had an internal google assistant that could search our entire life and tell us our purpose? It would be great if the day we decide we want to start fulfilling our purpose, we could simply say, “hey Google, what’s my purpose?” and the little voice responded, “Tameka (or your name), your purpose is ______”. Since I don’t have that option right now, and I don’t believe it will come to fruition in the foreseeable future, I am going to take the time that I have now and invest in myself and the things that I am passionate about. Devoting more time working on the things that bring me joy will give me a chance to see if one of my passions doubles as my purpose. I can’t say that something that I currently do on the side won’t turn out to be the thing that gives me back my drive, but I also can’t say that it will. I am opening myself up to new opportunities and new ideas. I know what it feels like to have drive and a passion to get up every morning and work towards a goal, I just have to be more intentional about it now. I lost that drive for a long time because I wanted to be in the Army, but now I get a chance to find and do something even greater and I won’t simply let it pass me by because plan A didn’t work out for my life. That ended up being my plan and not God’s plan. When it is my time to go out and conquer the world, I know that I will be given that drive and passion and nothing will stop me. For now I will keep working on me and giving myself the opportunity to find fulfillment in what God has given me right now.

Life is just a series of weekends….

As I sit here writing this blog and watching my children sleep, I realized how many moments pass because I am so focused on the next day or activity. This week, I have found myself wishing it was the weekend. Trying to remember the details of what happened on Monday and Tuesday and realizing that I can’t! Partially because I suffer from mom brain and because I willed those days to go by so quickly because I have been in such a rush to get to Friday.

But, why? Why are my days and moments sped up just to get to another day? Why can’t I be present in the moments that I have right now? Big questions for 1 am, but here we are. Or here I am rather. My baby girl will be six months this month (insert actual tears here). Every day I say, “man time is flying by” or “why are you growing so fast”. Well duh, right? If I pray for every day to go by quickly just so I can get to the end of the week, of course she will be growing really quickly too! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put those pieces together. In my haste to be done with my work week, I am missing important moments in other aspects of my life!

Now I just want to slow down! I want to go backwards and catch every moment that I have missed in each area of my life. Talk about sensory overload! I know, it is impossible, but just really take a moment to think about that. What if you could go back to those stressful days that you wished would just hurry up and end already and just take advantage of every moment? Instead of rushing the day past, why not take a few minutes in that day and do some self-reflection or advancement? Listen to a podcast on making each moment count, think about a way to make yourself better in those moments instead of rushing them!

This is exactly what I need to do. From today forward, I refuse to be in a hurry to get to the next day. I am going to live in the present and not be so concerned about the next day. I want to make all of my time every single day count. It sounds sort of like a fairy tale. Cue the cute life is all butterflies and rainbows music, give me a beautiful dress, nice backdrop and of course some cute animal that sings with me and knows all of the moves to my little musical number. But why can’t it be that way? Why can’t we just take a second to be amazed at the fact that we get 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? That means that we have 10,080 minutes each week to take advantage of!

Take advantage of each one. Trust me, I get it. Sometimes work, school, or parenting can be challenging, but even those moments are worth it. If every day you danced in daisies and hid behind waterfalls, you would never truly be able to appreciate the moments that go well. Unless your job is to do those things and if so, just know how jealous I am of you. But, we can all look for those daisy dancing moments and take advantage of them. When you’re constantly rushing time, you miss those moments and so many more. Today, I am going to take a few deep breaths and just make these moments count. I mean, I am already down 2,880, so I need to make the most out of the rest of them!

Oh you know, just having a little meltdown

Today (Sunday) was such a beautiful day in my area. A friend of mine invited me to go to the Norfolk Botanical Gardens a while back and this weekend was perfect for my first trip. With a 3-year old and a 5-month-old, each trip out of the house is a big deal, especially if you are going out for more than a few minutes. I got everyone ready and headed out of the house on time! I mean, just getting out of the house on time with everything that I needed was a huge win in my book.

This was my first time going to the botanical garden and all I knew was that I could not wait to be surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees. Who doesn’t enjoy that? As we walked through the gardens, I was in awe of how beautiful all the flowers were. There was such an amazing variety of flowers and trees. I let my three-year-old walk (mostly run) through the trails, because he had the energy to spare and I figured it would tire him out (win win for me, right?). Tariq was enjoying the freedom to run about and touch all the flowers, leaves, rocks, and whatever else he saw. Tayce was pretty much just along for the ride.

We were at the garden for about an hour and a half before Tariq decided that no amount of beauty would make him calm. We were walking through a really interesting kid zone at the garden and had been in there for about 20 minutes. We were planning to continue walking, when he decided that he didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t just leave him in the kid section. That is pretty much frowned upon by everyone. So, I picked him up to bring him back to where my friends and Tayce were waiting.

I get back to the stroller and Tariq breaks down. I am not talking a few tears, I am talking a full-blown meltdown. Mind you, this garden is a place that is very quiet and completely relaxing. Well….Tariq at that very moment felt the exact opposite of that. He wanted everything and nothing all at once. As a mom, I knew that he had just gotten sleepy and he was fighting it with everything he could, but in that moment, it took over. He screamed and screamed as we walked through groups of people, who of course were curious about the child that was screaming. I have witnessed many meltdowns and have experienced them a few times, when I need to run errands during nap time.

This particular breakdown made me realize that even in the midst of a beautiful setting, things may not always be as great as they seem. As an adult, I do not normally scream and cry, but I can relate to my son in the sense that sometimes, people see our lives as beautiful and perfect, but meanwhile, we are breaking down inside. Everything surrounding us may look to be put together perfectly, but they are not aware of what is going on inside. My son was exhausted and that was his way of letting me know. He wanted to run and be free in this beautiful place, but he was truly exhausted.

I have felt that way many times in life and I often threw a tantrum in my own way. It reminded me that although a person’s life or situation may appear beautiful to you, you don’t know their internal struggles. We all deal with our internal struggles differently, and we can’t judge the way that a person’s struggles may surface. You also can’t just assume that your view of their life is their reality. Much like my son, no matter how beautiful your surroundings seem, once you have reached a point of physical, mental, or emotional exhaustion, your internal struggles may make an appearance in a very public way. For my son, the solution was simple, he just needed to go to sleep. For others, it is not always that simple. I must remind myself that it is okay to feel however I feel in that moment despite what other people think about my life. They may see perfection, but we each have our struggles. Don’t judge someone else’s meltdown because you think that their situation is perfect. Luckily, I had two very awesome people to help me navigate dealing with my son and my daughter, all while trying to make it back to my car. In life, we need to surround ourselves with people that are willing to help you pick up the pieces after things have fallen apart. Not those people that make you feel bad about the fact that things fell apart. Trust me, there are enough onlookers that will already make you feel that way. Much like me today, you’ve just got to gather yourself up, and push through without really caring what those around you are thinking. If I can push a screaming toddler and a confused five-month-old through a very busy garden and make it out in one piece, you can too. If someone asks you what’s going on just say, “Oh you know, just having a little meltdown”, smile and walk away. I guarantee they won’t ask you again.

Every Morning, Make Your Bed

This week I spent most of my time making a list of things that I needed to do and then compiling lists of the things I needed to do to actually accomplish the items on my to-do list. Welcome to adulthood. Sounds exhausting, right? It is! As I tucked my kids into bed and tried to think through what I needed to accomplish before the weekend, I realized that I never feel like I am truly accomplishing anything. I am constantly just trying to make it to the next task, but never really allowing myself to start the next day with a clean slate. I am constantly letting each day spill into the next day.

No wonder why I never truly know what day of the week it is.

As I sat at the foot of my bed trying to decide what I want to wear tomorrow, I glanced back at my bed and realized how put together it seemed. The pillows were in the appropriate place, the blankets were all folded and tucked neatly and it looked finished. Why didn’t I feel that way? Every morning that there isn’t a tiny person bundled up in my covers, I make it a point to ensure that my bed looks put together. But why? Growing up, my mom would ensure that we made our bed every morning and I never knew why, it was just something that we did.  I am not expecting anyone to see it, so why do I feel like I still have to do it? These are questions I never really thought about, probably because they aren’t on my list of things to do. While I sat there on the edge of my bed, I was not sure why I was thinking about them at that very moment. And then it dawned on me, I needed an item that I can simply check off of my list each day. It is one thing that I know that I cannot fail at. Every morning, I get up knowing that I want to give everything and everyone in my life 100% and I know that I will fail at that because it is unrealistic, but yet and still, I put those expectations on myself every single morning and every evening, I come home knowing full well that I left something unfinished on my desk or that I was unable to give each of my kids my undivided attention each time my son called my name or my daughter cried.

I have a to-do list that never gets completely done for one reason or another, so I can never pat myself on the back and say “great job. You rocked the day”. But why do I have to finish everything just to feel good about the things that I did accomplish? Why do I not allow myself to celebrate each of the small things that I can do everyday? I am not superwoman, no matter how many blanket capes I wear for my son. Why is one item crossed off the list not enough? It is! If you have one hundred items on your list and you can complete two, you had a successful day. We have to stop comparing our lives to those around us. Just because someone else can wake up at 3am, go to the gym for 3 hours, head home, cook a 7-course breakfast for their spouse and kids, get dressed and make it to work before 8am, does not mean that you rolling out of bed at 6, grabbing Starbuck’s and making it to work at 0759 is not still an accomplishment for you.

You have to choose the small things that you know you can do each day and do them. If you want to walk one mile, get up and start moving. If you want to spend ten minutes by yourself, uninterrupted, put it on your to-do list, do it, and check it off. We make our daily tasks so daunting, that we are unknowingly setting ourselves up for failure. Instead of making a list with all of the things that you have to accomplish for the whole day or week, break your list up into tasks that you can accomplish within just the next hour or two and then when you accomplish them, give yourself time to celebrate that you got them done. Go all out, have a cookie if you want. Kids shouldn’t be the only ones rewarded for earning stickers on their charts. As adults, we have to find ways to give ourselves a little bit of grace. Many of you, like me, are juggling a lot of different roles and responsibilities and you have to give yourself a chance to begin and end each day feeling like you did something. Even when you have a long list of unfinished tasks that you have to leave for the next day. Find one or two things that you are committed to doing each day and DO THEM.

And don’t forget to make your bed 😊.

On a scale of 1 to 10....

Just two blog post in and this one is going to be very personal. Normally it takes much longer for me to bare it all, but this is a personal blog, right? So here we go. I know that we live in a world where people feel very comfortable telling you exactly how they feel without regard to how it will affect the person they are saying it to, but just because society makes that okay, should we all just say what we want to anyone that we meet? I was in Kroger, my favorite hangout, after a long day at work. I did not have time to change, so I had on the outfit that I wore to work and I am sure I was sporting some pretty big bags under my eyes at this point as well. My son was being surprisingly cooperative as we deviated from our normal after work routine of cooking dinner, watching Paw Patrol or Moana, completing bath time and going to bed. I was completely prepared to deal with a combative toddler, but out of sheer luck, he was tolerating being in the grocery store. We were on our way out, but I, of course, had to have an Iced coffee from Starbuck’s. I place my normal order of a Venti Iced Coffee with heavy whipping cream and sugar-free vanilla syrup. No big deal, right? As I am waiting for my drink, another lady joins me at the counter. She asks how old my son is and I tell her that he is almost 1.5 Yrs. old. She goes on to ask a few other questions, with the last being why do you order your iced coffee so particularly? I kindly reply and tell her that I have been following a ketogenic diet since March, and I limit my carb and sugar intake. Her response after this made me speechless! She proceeds to say, “well you may need to try something else. Your baby is no longer a baby, so you can’t blame your weight on him for much longer”. I was floored! All I could do was smile, tell her to have a nice evening and walk away. As I walked away I went back and forth between wanting to cry and wanting to scream at her about all the work that I have done to lose weight so far, but I am an adult right so I couldn’t throw a temper tantrum. My son was not throwing one, so neither could I. Plus, why should I get so worked up over her 2-second evaluation of my weight and life. I have dealt with my weight for my entire life and even shed more tears than I can remember as other people made comments about it when I was younger. Those comments normally came from family members, so they don't count right? I have never had to stomach a comment like this made by a stranger, so this was new territory for me. I have never fit into society's vision of “small” or “thin”, and I may never as far as the number on the scale goes, but I am working on being a healthier version of myself and that should count, right? So why did this one lady’s comment bother me so much? Had I met her in March, I probably would have cried my eyes out while eating Oreo’s. Counterproductive, I know. Instead, she made the comment to the person that I have worked hard to become. While losing weight, I have gone through a lot of personal changes. I had to gain back some self-confidence that I lost after I had my son and I had to find some that I never actually had because of the struggles of being “overweight” when I was younger. But what made this lady choose that particular moment to make that comment? On a day when life was already hard enough for me. I wanted to know what was going through her mind when she walked up to me. Then I thought does it really matter? Is her reasoning going to make me feel better? Absolutely not! In the time that it took me to walk outside, put my groceries in my car and get my son buckled in his car seat, I realized that I didn’t care about her reasoning. I didn’t care about why she felt like she should point out my weight to me. I didn’t even care that she didn’t seem to care about how her delivery made me feel. My body made an amazing human being and that took time, so weightloss is going to take time as well. I am not ashamed of this nor do I shy away from it. She did not understand that to me this weight gain meant that my body had finally gotten it right. I was told at 21 years old that I would never carry a baby to term without an immense amount of medical intervention. She didn't know that this weight gain meant I didn't lose my baby at 12 weeks when the doctor said that I had a threatened miscarriage due to bleeding. She doesn't know that I have a daily struggle inside just to get my body functioning properly and she didn't know that sometimes the struggle becomes so intense and overwhelming that I just want to give up, but this smiling little boy that changed my body makes me keep going. She did not know these things, so the motivation behind her comment did not matter and I did not care about it. I do, however, care that I have grown enough to understand that her words do not have any bearing on my life. I will probably never see this lady again, but she made a pretty big impact on my Thursday night. She reminded me that instead of just letting everything that I think flow out of my mouth, I need to think about my delivery and realize that my words will impact whoever hears them whether I am speaking directly to them or not. It is my decision whether the impact is positive or negative. I also realized that I was finally at a place where someone else’s opinion of my body did not matter to me. I have been working really hard and because of some of my medical issues, I have had times during this journey that I have had to fight against my own body to continue to lose weight. Did the lady at Kroger know that? No, she didn’t, but I do. That is why I chose to gain something from the experience rather than allow it to hurt me. From now on, I am taking these experiences and deciding on a scale of 1 to 10 how much of an impact it should have on me and what emotional, verbal or mental response it requires from me. Plus, I feel great when I look in the mirror. I know where I started and where I am now and I refuse to let one random lady at Starbuck’s derail me completely after all of my hard work. Maybe she was having a terrible day or maybe she really just thought I should work harder than I had been at losing weight. At the end of the day, her opinion is just that, her opinion. My reaction and response is the only thing that I could control in that moment and instead of getting upset and throwing a temper tantrum, I chose to walk away and smile. Why? Because she didn’t need to get the satisfaction of a negative response from me. Plus, how can you be angry in a Kroger that has a Starbuck’s? Groceries and COFFEE! In my mind, that should be one of the happiest places on Earth :-).