Perfection?!?.....What is that?

Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror, or caught a glimpse of yourself as you are walking past a glass door and immediately saw all of the things that are “wrong” with you? Tragic, right? I have been doing that to myself every day for weeks now! Poor me!! It sounds ridiculous to be so cruel…..to myself, but I know many people that have been there. Even as I am typing this, I am so disappointed that this has become a big enough part of my life that I am blogging about it, but why not? I know I am not the only one that notices the flaws that they have. I know I am not the only person that wishes they could go to sleep with flab and wake up with abs (you see what I did there, rightJ). But why is that the only thing that I strive for? In my case, it is not. I don’t simply want a “perfect” body, because that is so subjective and I will never be “perfect” for everyone. I just simply want to be “perfect” for me. That part is not my issue. My issue is trusting the process.

---

As many of you know, I have PCOS and losing weight is a TASK! I smell bread and cookies and gain 5lbs immediately. Not really, but you get what I am saying. So in order to lose weight, I have one thing that I know in the past has given me great results and that is keto. I did it after I had my son and when I tell you I felt the best I have ever felt in my life, I am not exaggerating! I was walking around in a sports bra and leggings for no real reason, but I felt good about myself. Yes, I had loose skin. Yes, I had stretch marks, but I was happy. I lost weight pretty quickly that time around. I lost 70lbs in about 9 months and I was loving it. So, why am I back at this point again, because I got pregnant with my daughter 2 months later and gained weight again. I have absolutely no problem with that, but I knew that mentally losing this weight would be a struggle. Not because I don’t want to lose it, but because it is HARD!

I have never been one to have a ton of self-confidence. Let’s be honest, I was always the chubby one in the group, but I knew that I wanted to be healthy. After my son, I knew that I wanted to feel better about myself so that I could be better for him and I did just that. Now I am on what seems like the same journey, but this time there have been a few rough patches. I mean, life happens whether I am 300lbs or 100lbs and you have to get through it. This time though, life has been hitting me hard and that weighs heavily on my mind. All of that negativity is then internalized and I mentally beat myself up over the thing that bothers me the most: my weight. I struggle with people telling me, “oh, you’re not that big” or my favorite, “you should be happy where you are”. Why though? No one has to live my life but me and I have two small children that I have to live for, but I digress.

---

Tuesday morning, I woke up and stepped on my scale and it was the exact same number that it was about a week ago when I weighed in with my trainer. Before we get too far, let me catch you all up. This time around on my journey, I am working out during my weight loss to try and minimize all of the loose skin that I had the last time. I work out with her 2 or 3 days a week and then I work out on my own the other two days. I didn’t start working out the last time until I was about 6 months in to my weight loss journey. A couple of Fridays ago, I weighed in with her and I was down almost 5lbs in a little over 2 weeks and had lost an inch or so off of my waist and chest. I was ecstatic and extremely motivated. Fast-forward to Tuesday and it felt like I hit a brick wall going 1,000mph with no brakes. I was crushed. I looked in the mirror and immediately started ripping myself to shreds.

I was pointing out all of the areas that were imperfect and I kind of wanted to quit, but instead of giving up, I decided to take some pictures instead. I needed to see myself through a different lens, if you will. I am so glad I did. Luckily, I had taken before photos on the morning of my first session with her, so I had something to compare it to. Looking at those pictures made me realize that I was looking at the entire situation incorrectly. I was expecting perfection when I should have simply been applauding myself for the progress that I made. Many times, we get so caught up with getting to the end of something that we forget to celebrate all of the small accomplishments along the way.

This can be applied to so many of the things that we do in life. Whether it is weight loss, school, your job or whatever it is, forget about perfection and focus on progress. I needed to see these pictures of myself to realize that where I currently am is perfect in the sense that I am still moving forward and still doing the very best that I can. Am I where I want to be at the end of my journey? Absolutely not, but am I exactly where I need to be right now. YEP! That is what matters. As long as you are taking the steps and putting the work in to get to where you want to go, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Will there be bumps in the road? Of course, but that is why it is a journey. No matter where you are in journey, or what you are trying to accomplish, set small goals for yourself and celebrate the heck out of them when you reach them. And when you see yourself in that mirror, point out how amazing you are at staying focused and getting to where you want to be :-).

Oh you know, just having a little meltdown

Today (Sunday) was such a beautiful day in my area. A friend of mine invited me to go to the Norfolk Botanical Gardens a while back and this weekend was perfect for my first trip. With a 3-year old and a 5-month-old, each trip out of the house is a big deal, especially if you are going out for more than a few minutes. I got everyone ready and headed out of the house on time! I mean, just getting out of the house on time with everything that I needed was a huge win in my book.

This was my first time going to the botanical garden and all I knew was that I could not wait to be surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees. Who doesn’t enjoy that? As we walked through the gardens, I was in awe of how beautiful all the flowers were. There was such an amazing variety of flowers and trees. I let my three-year-old walk (mostly run) through the trails, because he had the energy to spare and I figured it would tire him out (win win for me, right?). Tariq was enjoying the freedom to run about and touch all the flowers, leaves, rocks, and whatever else he saw. Tayce was pretty much just along for the ride.

We were at the garden for about an hour and a half before Tariq decided that no amount of beauty would make him calm. We were walking through a really interesting kid zone at the garden and had been in there for about 20 minutes. We were planning to continue walking, when he decided that he didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t just leave him in the kid section. That is pretty much frowned upon by everyone. So, I picked him up to bring him back to where my friends and Tayce were waiting.

I get back to the stroller and Tariq breaks down. I am not talking a few tears, I am talking a full-blown meltdown. Mind you, this garden is a place that is very quiet and completely relaxing. Well….Tariq at that very moment felt the exact opposite of that. He wanted everything and nothing all at once. As a mom, I knew that he had just gotten sleepy and he was fighting it with everything he could, but in that moment, it took over. He screamed and screamed as we walked through groups of people, who of course were curious about the child that was screaming. I have witnessed many meltdowns and have experienced them a few times, when I need to run errands during nap time.

This particular breakdown made me realize that even in the midst of a beautiful setting, things may not always be as great as they seem. As an adult, I do not normally scream and cry, but I can relate to my son in the sense that sometimes, people see our lives as beautiful and perfect, but meanwhile, we are breaking down inside. Everything surrounding us may look to be put together perfectly, but they are not aware of what is going on inside. My son was exhausted and that was his way of letting me know. He wanted to run and be free in this beautiful place, but he was truly exhausted.

I have felt that way many times in life and I often threw a tantrum in my own way. It reminded me that although a person’s life or situation may appear beautiful to you, you don’t know their internal struggles. We all deal with our internal struggles differently, and we can’t judge the way that a person’s struggles may surface. You also can’t just assume that your view of their life is their reality. Much like my son, no matter how beautiful your surroundings seem, once you have reached a point of physical, mental, or emotional exhaustion, your internal struggles may make an appearance in a very public way. For my son, the solution was simple, he just needed to go to sleep. For others, it is not always that simple. I must remind myself that it is okay to feel however I feel in that moment despite what other people think about my life. They may see perfection, but we each have our struggles. Don’t judge someone else’s meltdown because you think that their situation is perfect. Luckily, I had two very awesome people to help me navigate dealing with my son and my daughter, all while trying to make it back to my car. In life, we need to surround ourselves with people that are willing to help you pick up the pieces after things have fallen apart. Not those people that make you feel bad about the fact that things fell apart. Trust me, there are enough onlookers that will already make you feel that way. Much like me today, you’ve just got to gather yourself up, and push through without really caring what those around you are thinking. If I can push a screaming toddler and a confused five-month-old through a very busy garden and make it out in one piece, you can too. If someone asks you what’s going on just say, “Oh you know, just having a little meltdown”, smile and walk away. I guarantee they won’t ask you again.

Mondays are for Blue Shoes and Coffee

Today was the Mondayest of all Mondays. Sunday night, I decided that watching "Quantico" on Netflix was more important than getting some much-needed rest so that I would be able to tackle what I knew was going to be a LONG Monday. But, who doesn't love Quantico? Most days, the tv in my house never leaves Nick Jr, so I have learned to take advantage of nap time and bedtime to catch up on all shows that don't involve animated characters, problem-solving skills, perfectly timed musical numbers and unwavering excitement. Normally, I am able to drown out the noise of any show that I am watching and fall asleep, because I am exhausted, but not this Sunday. This Sunday I decided that the clock had to be wrong and I got so wrapped up in Quantico, that when I realized it was 0230 I knew it was time to at least attempt to go to sleep. I switched the tv back to Nick Jr and fell asleep to the soothing sound of Paw Patrol. In a perfect world, I would have checked my alarm to make sure that it was strategically set in 5-minute increments beginning at 0515, but let's be honest, who is thinking about an alarm at 0230 while watching a terrorist attack get foiled by rogue operatives? Not me! We all know how this story ends, with me jumping out of bed like a ninja at 0545 because my plan is to be out of the house by 0620 so that I can get to work by 0630 and catch up on everything that came in over the weekend. Classic right? Oh, but it gets better. You know how your parents always told you to prepare your clothes the night before so that you were ready to go the next morning? Well, because I have a slight addiction to shopping (everyone does, right?), I am normally pretty good about selecting what I am going to wear the next day so that I am not fumbling around in the dark trying not to wake up my son as he sleeps peacefully. So I decided that I will just reach into the closet blindly, pull out the first thing that my hand touches and go with it. I didn't have time to go through multiple options this morning. Luckily, my first pull was a dress! Thank goodness! It would have been a more difficult task if I had to match up a shirt with an appropriate skirt or pants. I had the dress, but I still needed to choose shoes, do my hair, cook my keto-friendly breakfast and most importantly, make coffee. I should reiterate, that I have a "slight" addiction to shopping, so when it comes to choosing shoes, it is not as simple as choosing a black shoe or a white shoe. No, my shoe collection is a color-wheel with many different styles and heel heights. Normally, I choose my outfit around my shoes, so today my process was completely thrown off. I walked over to my wall of shoes and prayed that the shoes I grabbed were black. I slipped on my slippers and ran out of my room. I should mention that I have the best brother in the world. He met me at the stairs with eggs, bacon and...COFFEE. I was off to a good start. Just leaving ten minutes late, but really, who is keeping track at this point? I would have normally looked in the mirror at least twice by now to make sure I looked presentable, but not this particular morning. This morning, I trusted my instincts and just went with it. As I was locking the door, I glanced down and realized that I had on the most adorable blue shoes. Blue, such a random color shoe to grab, but in the dark, it looked black to me. What are the odds that I would grab the one dress in my closet that this particular shade of blue would match? I felt pretty good about this "choice" overall. These blue shoes represent more than me running late. They represent my ability to be okay without all of the planning and preparation that goes into every day of my life. They represent my ability to just go with the flow and let life lead in some aspects. This morning taught me that sometimes the best things happen when I feel like everything is going wrong. This is exactly what I needed to start the week. These blue shoes made my Monday better than I expected. With the help of coffee, I dare say that this Monday was a welcome part of my week. I don't wish that it was still the weekend, I feel ready to take on the rest of the week. Does this mean that I won't pick my clothes out the night before? Probably not, because let's be honest, how many times will I actually match? But, this does mean that I am okay with not having to plan every aspect of my day and life and I have proven to myself that chaos has the ability to bring about beautiful change.

Welcome to ...Life on the Sassy Side

Hi, everyone! My name is Tameka. I am 30 years old (that's like 20, right?) and I get the privilege of helping to mold and shape a 3-year-old little gentleman and a 6-month-old little lady. I never thought I would be interested in blogging, but here I am blogging away :-). Why you ask? Well, that is a great question. I live a very normal life, in some ways. I work a normal 8 to 5 (more like 0630 to 1720). I spend time with my kids. I cook. I clean. I try to workout (does walking up and down the stairs count?). This blog is going to be about life, my life. It will include insight into why I chose to live the way that I do. How I keep from losing it and having a shot of Bailey's in my coffee every morning and how I stay true to myself through it all. I will share my deepest thoughts, money saving tips, recipes, workouts, and anything else that comes to mind as my fingers glide across the keys. I welcome each of you to my blog and I hope that you can relate to the things that I deal with on a daily basis. I hope that you find my blog helpful, entertaining and informative. I am learning as I go, but I appreciate and will respond to any and all comments that you all take the time to write. I can't wait to get to know you all as I share my life with you as well.

Follow me on Instagram: @lifeonthe.sassyside

Tayce

Tariq