Learning What to Accept and When to Let Go...

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, twists and turns, victories and defeats, and it's easy to get caught up in the turmoil of everyday challenges. From broken relationships to unfulfilled dreams, there are countless obstacles that can weigh us down and make us feel like we're stuck in a rut. However, the path to inner peace lies in the power of acceptance and letting go.

Acceptance is a vital aspect of finding inner peace. It is the act of acknowledging what has happened or what is currently happening in our lives. It doesn't mean that we approve or condone what has happened, but rather that we recognize and acknowledge the situation. By accepting the situation, we can begin to move forward and find peace within ourselves. Acceptance is about letting go of the past and the things that we cannot change, and focusing on the present moment.

Acceptance requires us to be honest with ourselves and others. We must recognize and accept the things that we cannot change and have the courage to make the necessary changes to improve our lives. Acceptance is not about giving up or giving in, but rather about facing reality and taking action to make the most of the situation. It can be a difficult process, but it is essential for our emotional and mental well-being.

Letting go is another crucial aspect of finding inner peace. It means releasing the emotional attachment to a situation or person. It doesn't mean that we forget or ignore what happened, but rather that we allow ourselves to move forward without holding onto negative emotions. When we let go, we free ourselves from the emotional burden and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Letting go means forgiving ourselves and others, and releasing any anger, resentment, or bitterness that we may be holding onto.

The process of acceptance and letting go can be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. It requires us to be vulnerable and to face our emotions head-on. We must be willing to let go of our need for control and allow ourselves to surrender to what is. The process can be slow and gradual, but over time, we will begin to notice a shift in our mindset and a sense of inner peace that was previously unavailable.

Here are some steps you can take to start the process of acceptance and letting go:

• Take the time to recognize how you feel about the situation or person that you are struggling to accept or let go of.

• Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment.

• Avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Stay in the present moment and focus on what you can control.

• Meditation and other mindfulness practices can help you stay present and focused.

• Talk to a trusted friend or seek professional help if you need support during the process.

• Take time each day to focus on the things that you are grateful for in your life.

• Reflect on how you have handled similar situations in the past, and what worked or didn't work for you. Use this knowledge to inform your approach to acceptance and letting go.

In conclusion, acceptance and letting go are essential components of finding inner peace. By acknowledging our emotions, practicing self-compassion, focusing on the present, seeking support, practicing mindfulness, and reflecting on past experiences, we can begin to let go of the negative emotions that are holding us back. The journey to inner peace may not be easy, but with time and patience, we can find the peace and contentment that we all seek. Ultimately, the path to inner peace lies within ourselves, and it is up to us to take the necessary steps to find it.

Uncover Your True Potential

Self-discovery is a journey that can be both exciting and challenging. It's the process of understanding who you are, what you believe in, and what you want out of life. It's about uncovering your true potential and living a life that is authentic and meaningful to you. The art of self-discovery is not just about understanding yourself, but also about understanding how you fit into the world around you.

One of the first steps to uncovering your true potential is to develop self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It's about being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding how they impact your life. By becoming more self-aware, you can begin to identify patterns and habits that may be holding you back, and take steps to change them.

Another important step in the journey of self-discovery is setting goals. Goals give you direction and purpose, and help you focus on what you want to achieve in life. Setting goals for yourself can help you identify your passions and interests, and give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve them. When setting goals, it's important to make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

To truly uncover your true potential, it's important to take action. It's one thing to set goals and have aspirations, but it's another to take the necessary steps to achieve them. This means being disciplined and motivated, and taking the time to work towards your goals every day. It also means being willing to take risks and step out of your comfort zone, as this is often where true growth and development occur.

Another important aspect of self-discovery is self-reflection. Self-reflection is the process of taking time to think about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and how they have shaped you. It's about understanding your past and how it has influenced your present. By reflecting on your experiences, you can gain a better understanding of yourself, and identify patterns and behaviors that may be holding you back.

In addition to self-reflection, journaling can also be a valuable tool in the journey of self-discovery. Journaling allows you to process your thoughts and feelings, and can also serve as a record of your progress. It's a great way to track your goals, and to reflect on your experiences and what you have learned from them.

In addition to all of the above, self-discovery also involves learning to love and accept yourself. It's about understanding that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness, and that you have the power to create the life you want. It's about embracing your flaws and imperfections, and learning to see the beauty in them.

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey that requires patience, perseverance, and an open mind. It's not always easy, and there will be times when you feel lost or uncertain. But with the right mindset and approach, you can uncover your true potential and live a life that is authentic and meaningful to you.

In conclusion, the art of self-discovery is a journey of understanding yourself, your values and beliefs, and what you want to achieve in life. It requires you to develop self-awareness, set goals, take action, reflect on your experiences and thoughts, journal, and most importantly to love and accept yourself. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong journey, so be patient and stay committed to it, eventually you will uncover your true potential.

Breaking Through Barriers to Reach Your Goals!

Have you ever had a big goal that you were so excited to accomplish and then you just gave up on it?

One of the reasons we do not face our goals is because when we are faced with an unexpected barrier that we're unsure how to deal with, we shut down. We become discouraged, we start making excuses, and we allow ourselves to back off of our original plan. While this is a human and natural tendency, it's not conducive to success.

God places these big goals in our spirit because He knows that we can accomplish them. He knows that we have the tools within us to succeed, but we have to be willing to go through all of the obstacles and stay the course in order to get there.

An important step that you can take to avoid this barrier blunder is that of carefully planning your goal to include backup plans for all those little "what ifs” and get into spiritual alignment with God.

"What if I don't pass the prerequisite course?"

"What if I don't get the loan?"

"What if I run out of time?"

"What if the marketing doesn't work?"

"What if I just don't feel like it?"

These are all very real barriers that keep us from realizing our life dreams. By planning for them, we greatly improve our chances of succeeding and experience the power of being unstoppable.

What kind of barriers can you preplan?

1. Internal Barriers

Internal barriers include the thoughts you have about your goal, success, and yourself that keep you from being successful. They include your personal fears, motivation, self-esteem, and paradigms.

"What if I just don't feel like doing my assignment?"

Solution - commit to working on it for at least 15 minutes. Then take a break and come back to it later

"What if my fear of the phone keeps me from following through on my marketing campaign?"

Solution - have a friend help me make phone calls. It might not be so bad if I'm not alone.

"What if I find myself procrastinating?"

Solution - ask a friend to call me every day to remind me to spend a little time on my goal. Work on my goal first thing in the morning to get it done and over with.

1. External Barriers

External barriers include barriers such as money, time, other people's reactions, resources, and results. We are not in direct control of them, but we can affect how they work and we can still plan around them.

"What if the client turns down my proposal?"

Solution - ask questions to find out why, and resubmit it.

"What if I forget the worksheets?"

Solution - Scan a copy of it to your email and then find a printer to get new copies made.

"What if I can’t find anything healthy on the menu?"

Solution - look at the restaurant menu ahead of time and find items that fit your way of eating.

When you find yourself faced with internal or external barriers, remember that these things are all a part of a bigger plan. Don’t let them throw you off track. It is in those moments that you should pray, reach out for support, be open to talking through what the barrier is with someone you trust and maybe they can help with ideas to overcome them. 

Don’t let the barriers in life stop you from truly stepping into alignment with who you are and all that you are meant to be.

Practice this technique with even your small, short-term goals. It feels great to know that when a brick wall appears in your path, you have the perfect solution for getting around it and getting back on the road to achievement!

Don't be a passenger

Have you ever just had one of those days where you can literally feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? Well, my day has become months. As I was traveling to NC yesterday, I had nothing but time to think. I mean between the breakdowns, snack requests and bathroom stops, I had time to really just sit and think about life. I have a love/hate relationship with freetime. Maybe hate is a really harsh word, but I guess it would more of a love/dislike relationship. Whenever I have freetime, my brain tends to think that is the best time to make a rapid fire slideshow of everything that has happened in my life over the last 30 years. Talk about overwhelming, right?
On this trip though, I only got the last 5 years in rapid playback and I felt like I was an outsider that was just watching a movie. Some of the things that I was seeing I didn't even remember living through and that made me sad. I realized that I had been an outsider in my own life! Who does that?? Me apparently.
As I thought about this more, I found out that there was a pattern. Anytime that there was a stressful, angering, or traumatic event, I basically just cruised through the days, weeks, and months after that. I was clearly living my life, but I wasn't taking part in my own life. I was carrying the stress, anger, sadness and fear from day to day and it was altering my view of my life. I need to know how to fix this! I know that I can't go back and relive the past two years, even though I would like to. I can only make a change moving forward.
But what can I do? I'm going to experience things that stress, upset, anger and sadden me, but how do I stop that from influencing all of the moments after that? I've got to let those moments be just that, moments. I can't dwell in that negative space. I have to be okay with living in that moment and then moving forward. I don't want to simply go through life. I want to be present and truly live each moment of my life. The only way to do that is to stop allowing negative emotions to drive my life. Doing that is like going through life with colored shades on. You can never truly enjoy or experience what you are looking at until you take the shades off.
From this moment on, I won't allow a bad moment to ruin my day or week. Just take a deep breath in and release!


XOXO

Protect your peace

I often get asked why I don’t socialize with many people. I don’t find it odd or different, it is simply who I am. As a child, I moved around A LOT! My dad was active duty Army, so every few years we moved. I have and probably always will be shy and a bit socially awkward just because it is literally who I am. I tend to shy away from getting really close to people really fast. I take time and watch them interact with others. I was this way as a child. My mom loves to tell this story of me in Kindergarten, while in Germany, she would come to pick me up every day and I would be hanging out with the teacher instead of having free play time with the other children in my class. She finds the story extremely funny because she paid for me to go to school for the purpose of learning to socialize with other children, but that is the exact opposite of what I had in mind.

I carried that with me through all of my childhood and into adulthood. I am that person that smiles when you say hello and I try not to engage in a lot of personal conversation until I have multiple “surface level” conversations and feel like I have a good handle on who you are as a person. And even then, I won’t divulge my deepest darkest secrets. Although, people tend to want to share their entire life story with me pretty quickly. I have been told that I have a very friendly face. Thank you, I think… Anyway, the reason that I am not looking to change the way that I interact with and develop new friendships is because this way, I am able to protect my peace. Let me explain what I mean by that. If I were out here just becoming friends with everyone, I would be guaranteed to eventually have to deal with someone else’s negative attitude and drama constantly. I am not saying that the few friends I have right now don’t go through things, but we are all close enough to understand ourselves and each other and we don’t try to bring each other down.

We know what to expect from each other and we tend to try and uplift each other as much as possible. This helps me protect the peace that I like to have in my life. I know if one of them calls me with an issue, they need me in that moment, but they don’t project their emotions onto me. I listen and empathize and also sympathize with them in most cases and then they plot a path forward and we don’t disrupt each other’s peace. These relationships have been cultivated for years and I have a hard time allowing others into the space that I have because I don’t want to upset that balance that I have found. I guess that it is also a fear of the unknown in some ways as well. Some people are so good at pretending, that they have themselves fooled about who they really are as well. I also use the word friend in very different ways. I have some “friends” that are actually more like family and that is my innermost circle. They are the people that I can speak with freely and they can do the same with me. I also have just friends. These are people that I will talk to, but not share everything with and I tend not to get closer to them and then I have very few people that I just associate with if necessary. These are people that I am not sure if I can trust, but I don’t want to push them away because they haven’t given me a reason to, I just haven’t gotten a good sense of who they are a person.

In my 30 years of life, I have been hurt more times than I can even count, so the combination of that and my overall shy personality, I truly try not to let anyone in to my life that I feel will negatively impact the peaceful space that I have created. You just never know what some peoples intentions are and while I try to keep an open mind and “hunt the good stuff” in everyone that I meet, I have a very discerning spirit and I can often tell a lot about a person in the first few interactions that I have with them. Your peace should always be your number one concern. Think about it this way, if you knew that someone wanted to steal from you, would you let them into your house? No, right? So why would you let them into your life at all? I have worked really hard to gain inner peace, and now with children, it is even more important for me that I maintain that, so I refuse to allow an outsider ruin that. I have learned that there is very little that I can control on a day to day basis, but I know that I can control how I interact with others and what I am putting into the universe and what I allow in my little universe. The world tends to focus on negativity and a constant negative headspace can leave you upset and bitter, so I try to focus on the good things and with that, it means that I don’t allow strangers to invade my peace of mind. It has allowed me to become extremely close to the people that I do have in my life and it gives me the ability to control my own outlook without being tainted by the intentions of others. In every interaction, remember to protect you peace.

One Small Step

I have been dreading writing about anything remotely close to my fitness goals these past few weeks and then I thought, why? I have nothing to hide and I should not be ashamed of where I am right now. My body grew a tiny human last year and I am working on it. During my pregnancy, I gained weight. Duh, right! It took me 9-months to gain the weight and I have been beating myself up the past 5 months because my body didn’t simply snapback to before. I just recently realized how ridiculous I was being, so I decided to set small goals for myself.

“There is always a step small enough from where we are to get us to where we want to be. If we take that small step, there’s always another we can take, and eventually a goal thought to be too far to reach becomes achievable”

— Ellen Langer

Instead of looking at my end goal, I have determined a series of small goals that are much less daunting. I mean seriously, losing 10 lbs seems much more doable than losing 40! That just means I have to lose 10lbs 4 times. See how manageable that sounds. Plus, I have decided to reward myself each time I meet one of my goals.

Once I thought that plan through, I actually made myself a reward chart. I mean let’s be honest, we all like to get our little gold stars when we accomplish something. It pleases the toddler inside of me. I know feel like I am ready to actually get to where I want to be. With two kids and working full-time, I have to actually make time to go to the gym. I have been making excuses the past few weeks, so I have not been going as much as I was before, but I think that I have found my drive again.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one”

— Mark Twain

I want to wear a two piece bathing suit for the first time in my life! It may not happen in time for this summer, but I know that I will at least make my goal of wearing a cute tankini or high-waisted suit this year. I will be posting update pictures as well as pictures of my rewards on my Instagram, so go follow me there for weekly updates!

I am trying out a pescatarian keto lifestyle, so if you want to join me on my weight loss journey or if you aren’t sure how to get started either fill out the contact form on this page or DM me on Instagram and let’s reach these goals together!

Hey Google, what’s my purpose?

Since I retired from the Army in 2014, I feel like I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to find where I belong. When I was serving on active duty, I felt like I knew my why. I had a plan for life. I enjoyed getting up and going to work because I knew that each day that I put in the work, I was one step closer to my ultimate goal of being a warrant officer in my field. I was actually in the process of applying for an assignment that would give me a leg up on my competition, when life hit me like a brick wall!

I was thrown so far off of what I thought my purpose was that in the past five years, I have spent countless hours trying to simply recalibrate my life. I was given only one option and it wasn’t really an option, it was a mandate. I was getting retired. I was broken and could not be fixed. These were the words spoken to me by my doctor as I set in his office trying to convince him to reverse his recommendation. He told me, “Sgt. Lyons, your unit is not looking out for you. Constantly breaking your profile and trying to be a 100% soldier is going to have you crippled and bound to a wheelchair by the age of thirty and by the time that you get to that point, the Army is going to force you out. But I want to give you a chance to have a better quality of life”. His statement shook me to my core. Being wheelchair bound was not part of my plan, so I sucked it up and went through the process.

Fast forward five years, and my life has changed tremendously. I have two amazing kids, I have a full-time job, and I am almost at the end of my degree. A lot of people would say it seems like you have found your purpose, but I disagree. Yes, I am a mom, but that is not all that I am meant to be. I give my kids 100% of me and I am raising them to be healthy members of society, but if I attach my entire identity to being a mom, I am not fulfilling my own personal purpose. I am not saying that having children doesn’t give me drive or fulfill my life, but I am saying that they give me the drive to be the best me that I can be and that pushes me to want to do more.

I am very grateful for my job, and not to sound cocky, I am really good at my job. It gives me a reason to leave my house every day and when given the opportunity, I can accomplish quite a bit. The kicker is, I am helping achieve someone else’s purpose. I enjoy what I am doing, but I am not driven or challenged in the way that I was in the Army. I don’t feel like there are many things that I can strive to be in this job other than being the best I can be in my current position. It’s like there is an invisible glass ceiling and I can’t go any further than where I currently am. So what do I do?

The past few months I have thought about this more than a few times. I have made lists and even lists about those lists. Clearly, I just enjoy making lists. But, I have not figured out where I need to be or even what I am supposed to be doing. I have not had my “aha” moment where an idea just lights a fire in my soul. Wouldn’t it be nice if we just had an internal google assistant that could search our entire life and tell us our purpose? It would be great if the day we decide we want to start fulfilling our purpose, we could simply say, “hey Google, what’s my purpose?” and the little voice responded, “Tameka (or your name), your purpose is ______”. Since I don’t have that option right now, and I don’t believe it will come to fruition in the foreseeable future, I am going to take the time that I have now and invest in myself and the things that I am passionate about. Devoting more time working on the things that bring me joy will give me a chance to see if one of my passions doubles as my purpose. I can’t say that something that I currently do on the side won’t turn out to be the thing that gives me back my drive, but I also can’t say that it will. I am opening myself up to new opportunities and new ideas. I know what it feels like to have drive and a passion to get up every morning and work towards a goal, I just have to be more intentional about it now. I lost that drive for a long time because I wanted to be in the Army, but now I get a chance to find and do something even greater and I won’t simply let it pass me by because plan A didn’t work out for my life. That ended up being my plan and not God’s plan. When it is my time to go out and conquer the world, I know that I will be given that drive and passion and nothing will stop me. For now I will keep working on me and giving myself the opportunity to find fulfillment in what God has given me right now.

Every Morning, Make Your Bed

This week I spent most of my time making a list of things that I needed to do and then compiling lists of the things I needed to do to actually accomplish the items on my to-do list. Welcome to adulthood. Sounds exhausting, right? It is! As I tucked my kids into bed and tried to think through what I needed to accomplish before the weekend, I realized that I never feel like I am truly accomplishing anything. I am constantly just trying to make it to the next task, but never really allowing myself to start the next day with a clean slate. I am constantly letting each day spill into the next day.

No wonder why I never truly know what day of the week it is.

As I sat at the foot of my bed trying to decide what I want to wear tomorrow, I glanced back at my bed and realized how put together it seemed. The pillows were in the appropriate place, the blankets were all folded and tucked neatly and it looked finished. Why didn’t I feel that way? Every morning that there isn’t a tiny person bundled up in my covers, I make it a point to ensure that my bed looks put together. But why? Growing up, my mom would ensure that we made our bed every morning and I never knew why, it was just something that we did.  I am not expecting anyone to see it, so why do I feel like I still have to do it? These are questions I never really thought about, probably because they aren’t on my list of things to do. While I sat there on the edge of my bed, I was not sure why I was thinking about them at that very moment. And then it dawned on me, I needed an item that I can simply check off of my list each day. It is one thing that I know that I cannot fail at. Every morning, I get up knowing that I want to give everything and everyone in my life 100% and I know that I will fail at that because it is unrealistic, but yet and still, I put those expectations on myself every single morning and every evening, I come home knowing full well that I left something unfinished on my desk or that I was unable to give each of my kids my undivided attention each time my son called my name or my daughter cried.

I have a to-do list that never gets completely done for one reason or another, so I can never pat myself on the back and say “great job. You rocked the day”. But why do I have to finish everything just to feel good about the things that I did accomplish? Why do I not allow myself to celebrate each of the small things that I can do everyday? I am not superwoman, no matter how many blanket capes I wear for my son. Why is one item crossed off the list not enough? It is! If you have one hundred items on your list and you can complete two, you had a successful day. We have to stop comparing our lives to those around us. Just because someone else can wake up at 3am, go to the gym for 3 hours, head home, cook a 7-course breakfast for their spouse and kids, get dressed and make it to work before 8am, does not mean that you rolling out of bed at 6, grabbing Starbuck’s and making it to work at 0759 is not still an accomplishment for you.

You have to choose the small things that you know you can do each day and do them. If you want to walk one mile, get up and start moving. If you want to spend ten minutes by yourself, uninterrupted, put it on your to-do list, do it, and check it off. We make our daily tasks so daunting, that we are unknowingly setting ourselves up for failure. Instead of making a list with all of the things that you have to accomplish for the whole day or week, break your list up into tasks that you can accomplish within just the next hour or two and then when you accomplish them, give yourself time to celebrate that you got them done. Go all out, have a cookie if you want. Kids shouldn’t be the only ones rewarded for earning stickers on their charts. As adults, we have to find ways to give ourselves a little bit of grace. Many of you, like me, are juggling a lot of different roles and responsibilities and you have to give yourself a chance to begin and end each day feeling like you did something. Even when you have a long list of unfinished tasks that you have to leave for the next day. Find one or two things that you are committed to doing each day and DO THEM.

And don’t forget to make your bed 😊.