I’m Not Waiting for a Flat Stomach to Start Living

Let me be real, my relationship with my body has never been great. I don’t think there’s ever been a time in my life when I felt truly comfortable in my skin. I’ve always been aware of my body… too aware. Whether it was how my jeans fit, how my arms looked in photos, or how my stomach folded when I sat down. There was always something I was trying to “fix.” And for a long time, I thought that was just normal.

But over the years, especially after becoming a mom and being in a relationship that broke more than just my heart, that discomfort grew into something deeper. Something heavier. Something that made me feel like my body wasn’t just imperfect… it was a burden.

Pregnancy changed my body in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I gained weight, I stretched in places that never bounced back, and I didn’t “snap back” the way social media told me I should. And let me tell you, it didn’t help being in a relationship where I was constantly made to feel like I was no longer desirable or worth loving. I’ll never forget the comments he used to make, things like, “You used to care about how you looked,” or “You were smaller when I met you” or “do you really think someone is going to want you”……..

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I internalized every word.

I stopped wearing anything form-fitting. I avoided mirrors. I wouldn’t take pictures with my kids because I couldn’t stand how I looked. And deep down, I thought if I could just lose the weight, maybe he’d love me better. Maybe he’d see me again.

But let’s be honest, no amount of shrinking was ever going to make that relationship healthy. And the truth is, I wasn’t just trying to lose weight, I was trying to lose the parts of myself that I had been taught were unlovable.

After I left, I thought things would get better. I thought I’d instantly feel free and strong and confident again. But healing isn’t like that, it’s messy. I had to face the reality that I’d been at war with my body for years, long before him. I’d made my worth dependent on how I looked for so long, I didn’t know how to separate the two.

But what I did know was this: I was tired.

Tired of hiding.
Tired of skipping out on moments with my kids.
Tired of letting shame control my life.

So I decided to stop waiting until I was “better” to start living again. I made a choice, not to love every inch of myself overnight, but to at least stop punishing my body for not looking like it used to, or like somebody else’s.

I started standing in the mirror a little longer. I started taking pictures again, even on the days I wasn’t feeling like my best self. I wore the dress, went to the brunch, danced in my living room with the lights on. And slowly, I began to feel like myself again. Not because my body changed, but because my mindset did.

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Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a process. I still have days where I struggle. There are still times I catch my reflection and that old voice creeps in, ready to tear me down. But now, I talk back. Now, I remind myself of what this body has carried. Not just babies, but pain, trauma, heartbreak, stress, and still managed to get me through every single day.

This body deserves more than criticism. It deserves grace.
It deserves joy.
It deserves to be seen.

I’m not hiding anymore. I’ve done enough of that. And I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking that’s what confidence looks like, shrinking yourself just to fit in, just to be loved, just to be accepted. I want her to see her mom showing up in full. Not because I think I’m perfect, but because I finally know I don’t have to be.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re too much, not enough, too soft, too big, too different, just know I see you. I’ve been you. And I still have days where I am you.

But I’m learning to take up space anyway.

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You don’t have to wait until you lose 10 pounds or until your stomach is flat to start living. You don’t have to skip the beach or crop yourself out of the photo. You don’t have to wear that extra layer just to feel less noticeable.

You are not a before or after photo.
You’re a whole, complex, beautiful woman right now.

So wear the thing.
Take the picture.
Get in the frame.
Show up for your life, even if your confidence is still catching up.

Because this body?
It’s carried you through everything.
And it deserves to be loved, not later, but today.

Learning What to Accept and When to Let Go...

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, twists and turns, victories and defeats, and it's easy to get caught up in the turmoil of everyday challenges. From broken relationships to unfulfilled dreams, there are countless obstacles that can weigh us down and make us feel like we're stuck in a rut. However, the path to inner peace lies in the power of acceptance and letting go.

Acceptance is a vital aspect of finding inner peace. It is the act of acknowledging what has happened or what is currently happening in our lives. It doesn't mean that we approve or condone what has happened, but rather that we recognize and acknowledge the situation. By accepting the situation, we can begin to move forward and find peace within ourselves. Acceptance is about letting go of the past and the things that we cannot change, and focusing on the present moment.

Acceptance requires us to be honest with ourselves and others. We must recognize and accept the things that we cannot change and have the courage to make the necessary changes to improve our lives. Acceptance is not about giving up or giving in, but rather about facing reality and taking action to make the most of the situation. It can be a difficult process, but it is essential for our emotional and mental well-being.

Letting go is another crucial aspect of finding inner peace. It means releasing the emotional attachment to a situation or person. It doesn't mean that we forget or ignore what happened, but rather that we allow ourselves to move forward without holding onto negative emotions. When we let go, we free ourselves from the emotional burden and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Letting go means forgiving ourselves and others, and releasing any anger, resentment, or bitterness that we may be holding onto.

The process of acceptance and letting go can be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. It requires us to be vulnerable and to face our emotions head-on. We must be willing to let go of our need for control and allow ourselves to surrender to what is. The process can be slow and gradual, but over time, we will begin to notice a shift in our mindset and a sense of inner peace that was previously unavailable.

Here are some steps you can take to start the process of acceptance and letting go:

• Take the time to recognize how you feel about the situation or person that you are struggling to accept or let go of.

• Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment.

• Avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Stay in the present moment and focus on what you can control.

• Meditation and other mindfulness practices can help you stay present and focused.

• Talk to a trusted friend or seek professional help if you need support during the process.

• Take time each day to focus on the things that you are grateful for in your life.

• Reflect on how you have handled similar situations in the past, and what worked or didn't work for you. Use this knowledge to inform your approach to acceptance and letting go.

In conclusion, acceptance and letting go are essential components of finding inner peace. By acknowledging our emotions, practicing self-compassion, focusing on the present, seeking support, practicing mindfulness, and reflecting on past experiences, we can begin to let go of the negative emotions that are holding us back. The journey to inner peace may not be easy, but with time and patience, we can find the peace and contentment that we all seek. Ultimately, the path to inner peace lies within ourselves, and it is up to us to take the necessary steps to find it.

Uncover Your True Potential

Self-discovery is a journey that can be both exciting and challenging. It's the process of understanding who you are, what you believe in, and what you want out of life. It's about uncovering your true potential and living a life that is authentic and meaningful to you. The art of self-discovery is not just about understanding yourself, but also about understanding how you fit into the world around you.

One of the first steps to uncovering your true potential is to develop self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It's about being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding how they impact your life. By becoming more self-aware, you can begin to identify patterns and habits that may be holding you back, and take steps to change them.

Another important step in the journey of self-discovery is setting goals. Goals give you direction and purpose, and help you focus on what you want to achieve in life. Setting goals for yourself can help you identify your passions and interests, and give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve them. When setting goals, it's important to make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

To truly uncover your true potential, it's important to take action. It's one thing to set goals and have aspirations, but it's another to take the necessary steps to achieve them. This means being disciplined and motivated, and taking the time to work towards your goals every day. It also means being willing to take risks and step out of your comfort zone, as this is often where true growth and development occur.

Another important aspect of self-discovery is self-reflection. Self-reflection is the process of taking time to think about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and how they have shaped you. It's about understanding your past and how it has influenced your present. By reflecting on your experiences, you can gain a better understanding of yourself, and identify patterns and behaviors that may be holding you back.

In addition to self-reflection, journaling can also be a valuable tool in the journey of self-discovery. Journaling allows you to process your thoughts and feelings, and can also serve as a record of your progress. It's a great way to track your goals, and to reflect on your experiences and what you have learned from them.

In addition to all of the above, self-discovery also involves learning to love and accept yourself. It's about understanding that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness, and that you have the power to create the life you want. It's about embracing your flaws and imperfections, and learning to see the beauty in them.

Self-discovery is a lifelong journey that requires patience, perseverance, and an open mind. It's not always easy, and there will be times when you feel lost or uncertain. But with the right mindset and approach, you can uncover your true potential and live a life that is authentic and meaningful to you.

In conclusion, the art of self-discovery is a journey of understanding yourself, your values and beliefs, and what you want to achieve in life. It requires you to develop self-awareness, set goals, take action, reflect on your experiences and thoughts, journal, and most importantly to love and accept yourself. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong journey, so be patient and stay committed to it, eventually you will uncover your true potential.

Don't be a passenger

Have you ever just had one of those days where you can literally feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? Well, my day has become months. As I was traveling to NC yesterday, I had nothing but time to think. I mean between the breakdowns, snack requests and bathroom stops, I had time to really just sit and think about life. I have a love/hate relationship with freetime. Maybe hate is a really harsh word, but I guess it would more of a love/dislike relationship. Whenever I have freetime, my brain tends to think that is the best time to make a rapid fire slideshow of everything that has happened in my life over the last 30 years. Talk about overwhelming, right?
On this trip though, I only got the last 5 years in rapid playback and I felt like I was an outsider that was just watching a movie. Some of the things that I was seeing I didn't even remember living through and that made me sad. I realized that I had been an outsider in my own life! Who does that?? Me apparently.
As I thought about this more, I found out that there was a pattern. Anytime that there was a stressful, angering, or traumatic event, I basically just cruised through the days, weeks, and months after that. I was clearly living my life, but I wasn't taking part in my own life. I was carrying the stress, anger, sadness and fear from day to day and it was altering my view of my life. I need to know how to fix this! I know that I can't go back and relive the past two years, even though I would like to. I can only make a change moving forward.
But what can I do? I'm going to experience things that stress, upset, anger and sadden me, but how do I stop that from influencing all of the moments after that? I've got to let those moments be just that, moments. I can't dwell in that negative space. I have to be okay with living in that moment and then moving forward. I don't want to simply go through life. I want to be present and truly live each moment of my life. The only way to do that is to stop allowing negative emotions to drive my life. Doing that is like going through life with colored shades on. You can never truly enjoy or experience what you are looking at until you take the shades off.
From this moment on, I won't allow a bad moment to ruin my day or week. Just take a deep breath in and release!


XOXO

Protect your peace

I often get asked why I don’t socialize with many people. I don’t find it odd or different, it is simply who I am. As a child, I moved around A LOT! My dad was active duty Army, so every few years we moved. I have and probably always will be shy and a bit socially awkward just because it is literally who I am. I tend to shy away from getting really close to people really fast. I take time and watch them interact with others. I was this way as a child. My mom loves to tell this story of me in Kindergarten, while in Germany, she would come to pick me up every day and I would be hanging out with the teacher instead of having free play time with the other children in my class. She finds the story extremely funny because she paid for me to go to school for the purpose of learning to socialize with other children, but that is the exact opposite of what I had in mind.

I carried that with me through all of my childhood and into adulthood. I am that person that smiles when you say hello and I try not to engage in a lot of personal conversation until I have multiple “surface level” conversations and feel like I have a good handle on who you are as a person. And even then, I won’t divulge my deepest darkest secrets. Although, people tend to want to share their entire life story with me pretty quickly. I have been told that I have a very friendly face. Thank you, I think… Anyway, the reason that I am not looking to change the way that I interact with and develop new friendships is because this way, I am able to protect my peace. Let me explain what I mean by that. If I were out here just becoming friends with everyone, I would be guaranteed to eventually have to deal with someone else’s negative attitude and drama constantly. I am not saying that the few friends I have right now don’t go through things, but we are all close enough to understand ourselves and each other and we don’t try to bring each other down.

We know what to expect from each other and we tend to try and uplift each other as much as possible. This helps me protect the peace that I like to have in my life. I know if one of them calls me with an issue, they need me in that moment, but they don’t project their emotions onto me. I listen and empathize and also sympathize with them in most cases and then they plot a path forward and we don’t disrupt each other’s peace. These relationships have been cultivated for years and I have a hard time allowing others into the space that I have because I don’t want to upset that balance that I have found. I guess that it is also a fear of the unknown in some ways as well. Some people are so good at pretending, that they have themselves fooled about who they really are as well. I also use the word friend in very different ways. I have some “friends” that are actually more like family and that is my innermost circle. They are the people that I can speak with freely and they can do the same with me. I also have just friends. These are people that I will talk to, but not share everything with and I tend not to get closer to them and then I have very few people that I just associate with if necessary. These are people that I am not sure if I can trust, but I don’t want to push them away because they haven’t given me a reason to, I just haven’t gotten a good sense of who they are a person.

In my 30 years of life, I have been hurt more times than I can even count, so the combination of that and my overall shy personality, I truly try not to let anyone in to my life that I feel will negatively impact the peaceful space that I have created. You just never know what some peoples intentions are and while I try to keep an open mind and “hunt the good stuff” in everyone that I meet, I have a very discerning spirit and I can often tell a lot about a person in the first few interactions that I have with them. Your peace should always be your number one concern. Think about it this way, if you knew that someone wanted to steal from you, would you let them into your house? No, right? So why would you let them into your life at all? I have worked really hard to gain inner peace, and now with children, it is even more important for me that I maintain that, so I refuse to allow an outsider ruin that. I have learned that there is very little that I can control on a day to day basis, but I know that I can control how I interact with others and what I am putting into the universe and what I allow in my little universe. The world tends to focus on negativity and a constant negative headspace can leave you upset and bitter, so I try to focus on the good things and with that, it means that I don’t allow strangers to invade my peace of mind. It has allowed me to become extremely close to the people that I do have in my life and it gives me the ability to control my own outlook without being tainted by the intentions of others. In every interaction, remember to protect you peace.

Can I have a little bit of grace?

Every day, I find myself questioning whether or not I am good at enough at any of the things that are currently my responsibility. I question whether I am doing all of the right things as a mom, a wife, a student, an employee, etc.. This morning around 0330, it dawned on me that I don’t have to be perfect at everything. There has only ever been one perfect person, and He understands and loves my imperfections. So why have I been beating myself up about them? As a mom, I think that it is hard for me to be okay with making a mistake. I mean, I have been given the responsibility of shaping my son and daughter into the people that they will be for the rest of their lives. That is a huge responsibility.

I want them to be wonderful human beings and I know that my influence will help shape that, but I also know that everyone makes mistakes. It is inevitable. Parenthood does not come with a step by step manual that you can follow day by day to make sure that you are hitting every single point perfectly. That is unrealistic and could you imagine how long that would take someone to actually come up with that? And who has the authority to actually say what the right and wrong way to parent would be? It is so disheartening when I am on social media and I see women bashing other women about the way that they are parenting their children. Unless someone is abusing or neglecting their child, I don’t think anyone has the right to say that what one person is doing is wrong. It is probably what works best for their life and we have no right to judge that.

I am a strong believer in the saying that you can’t tell me how to live my life unless you have first walked a mile in my shoes. Until you know exactly what someone is dealing with, you will never be the expert on what they should or should not be doing with their children, their marriage, their career or any other aspect of life. I find it extremely difficult to believe that I am doing every single thing in my life 100% well every single day, but I have learned to give myself a little bit of grace. I looked at a pile of clothes that I knew needed to be folded last night and I opted to read my kids two more bedtime stories instead. Normally, I would have stayed up really late folding the clothes, but I had other things that I needed to do and I will fold the clothes. There won’t be any war on laundry happening in the next few hours, so I am sure it will be fine.

I am taking this approach with every aspect of my life. I am going to prioritize the things that matter and make sure that I am accomplishing those to the best of my abilities instead of trying to do everything all at once. This approach makes the planner in me a little bit nervous, but I know that in order to be good at anything, I have to be great emotionally, mentally and physically and I know that being stressed out and exhausted about everything was actually accomplishing nothing. So, I am prepared to tackle today and I will be okay with leaving a few things undone as long as I know that the things I did complete were done to the best of my abilities. Isn’t that what life is about anyway?

Did you just body check me?

Yesterday on my lunchbreak, I decided to go to DSW and see what was new in the world of shoes. DSW is one of my happy places and after the day that I had yesterday, I needed to just go somewhere quiet, look at pretty things and relax. I had a full blown concert in my car on the way there. I am talking full out singing and choreography and I did not care who saw me. I did make a mental note to get my front windows tinted a little darker though. Anyway, I was feeling pretty great by the time that I got there.

As I am walking up, there is a mother and daughter walking up at the exact same time. It was that awkward meet at the door type of timing when you don’t actually know who should open the door, so everyone tries to go for it and then you spend a couple of milliseconds going, “you go. No you go. No really, you go.” I opened the door for them and let them walk in a head of me. The young girl says, oh thank you so much. The mom (I am assuming), says nothing, but instead proceeds to give me the up, down, up body scan. I have dubbed this the “body check”, thanks to multiple binge sessions watching Drop Dead Diva. Just to clarify, this isn’t like the hockey body check where we rammed our bodies into one another, but that is kind of what it feels like emotionally and mentally.

I was a little taken aback by this. Not because it is the first time that I have ever been body checked, but because she was so blatantly obvious when she did it. Other people do it as you walk by or while your back is to them. I guess that is the socially “appropriate” way to body check someone. I knew that she was aware that I had seen her because when she made it back up to my face, I just smiled, nodded and said “oh my gosh. I love your shoes”. She seemed startled by my response. I am not quite sure what she expected me to do, but I was not going to let her ruin my mood.

This interaction did make me think though. Why are women so fixated on what another woman’s body looks like? Like who cares? It is there body and unless you are my doctor, I don’t think it is necessary for you to give me any type of once over. Women are so hard on each other when it comes to passing judgement that it is one of the very reasons that I don’t have very many female friends. I don’t have time for the judgement or drama. I have never seen a group of men looking each other up and down, unless they are planning to fight.

So why as women are we so hard on each other? Why are we not uplifting and encouraging each other? I don’t think this lady was trying to spark some deep internal thought within me, and I don’t even know if she was trying to be malicious, but a few months ago, it probably would have bruised my self-esteem to have her look at me that way. Now, I realize that when people are nasty to you, it is a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person. I still enjoyed my time in DSW and her daughter even asked my opinion on a pair of shoes that she was looking at.

In your interactions with others, just remember that you have no idea what they are going through in life. My parents always told me that our tongues have the power of speaking life or death into a person, so choose your words and actions wisely. I did great and did not buy any shoes yesterday, but I did pick out the pair that I am going to reward myself with when I reach my next goal. I am only 5.6lbs away from it, so stay tuned.

One Small Step

I have been dreading writing about anything remotely close to my fitness goals these past few weeks and then I thought, why? I have nothing to hide and I should not be ashamed of where I am right now. My body grew a tiny human last year and I am working on it. During my pregnancy, I gained weight. Duh, right! It took me 9-months to gain the weight and I have been beating myself up the past 5 months because my body didn’t simply snapback to before. I just recently realized how ridiculous I was being, so I decided to set small goals for myself.

“There is always a step small enough from where we are to get us to where we want to be. If we take that small step, there’s always another we can take, and eventually a goal thought to be too far to reach becomes achievable”

— Ellen Langer

Instead of looking at my end goal, I have determined a series of small goals that are much less daunting. I mean seriously, losing 10 lbs seems much more doable than losing 40! That just means I have to lose 10lbs 4 times. See how manageable that sounds. Plus, I have decided to reward myself each time I meet one of my goals.

Once I thought that plan through, I actually made myself a reward chart. I mean let’s be honest, we all like to get our little gold stars when we accomplish something. It pleases the toddler inside of me. I know feel like I am ready to actually get to where I want to be. With two kids and working full-time, I have to actually make time to go to the gym. I have been making excuses the past few weeks, so I have not been going as much as I was before, but I think that I have found my drive again.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one”

— Mark Twain

I want to wear a two piece bathing suit for the first time in my life! It may not happen in time for this summer, but I know that I will at least make my goal of wearing a cute tankini or high-waisted suit this year. I will be posting update pictures as well as pictures of my rewards on my Instagram, so go follow me there for weekly updates!

I am trying out a pescatarian keto lifestyle, so if you want to join me on my weight loss journey or if you aren’t sure how to get started either fill out the contact form on this page or DM me on Instagram and let’s reach these goals together!

Hey Google, what’s my purpose?

Since I retired from the Army in 2014, I feel like I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to find where I belong. When I was serving on active duty, I felt like I knew my why. I had a plan for life. I enjoyed getting up and going to work because I knew that each day that I put in the work, I was one step closer to my ultimate goal of being a warrant officer in my field. I was actually in the process of applying for an assignment that would give me a leg up on my competition, when life hit me like a brick wall!

I was thrown so far off of what I thought my purpose was that in the past five years, I have spent countless hours trying to simply recalibrate my life. I was given only one option and it wasn’t really an option, it was a mandate. I was getting retired. I was broken and could not be fixed. These were the words spoken to me by my doctor as I set in his office trying to convince him to reverse his recommendation. He told me, “Sgt. Lyons, your unit is not looking out for you. Constantly breaking your profile and trying to be a 100% soldier is going to have you crippled and bound to a wheelchair by the age of thirty and by the time that you get to that point, the Army is going to force you out. But I want to give you a chance to have a better quality of life”. His statement shook me to my core. Being wheelchair bound was not part of my plan, so I sucked it up and went through the process.

Fast forward five years, and my life has changed tremendously. I have two amazing kids, I have a full-time job, and I am almost at the end of my degree. A lot of people would say it seems like you have found your purpose, but I disagree. Yes, I am a mom, but that is not all that I am meant to be. I give my kids 100% of me and I am raising them to be healthy members of society, but if I attach my entire identity to being a mom, I am not fulfilling my own personal purpose. I am not saying that having children doesn’t give me drive or fulfill my life, but I am saying that they give me the drive to be the best me that I can be and that pushes me to want to do more.

I am very grateful for my job, and not to sound cocky, I am really good at my job. It gives me a reason to leave my house every day and when given the opportunity, I can accomplish quite a bit. The kicker is, I am helping achieve someone else’s purpose. I enjoy what I am doing, but I am not driven or challenged in the way that I was in the Army. I don’t feel like there are many things that I can strive to be in this job other than being the best I can be in my current position. It’s like there is an invisible glass ceiling and I can’t go any further than where I currently am. So what do I do?

The past few months I have thought about this more than a few times. I have made lists and even lists about those lists. Clearly, I just enjoy making lists. But, I have not figured out where I need to be or even what I am supposed to be doing. I have not had my “aha” moment where an idea just lights a fire in my soul. Wouldn’t it be nice if we just had an internal google assistant that could search our entire life and tell us our purpose? It would be great if the day we decide we want to start fulfilling our purpose, we could simply say, “hey Google, what’s my purpose?” and the little voice responded, “Tameka (or your name), your purpose is ______”. Since I don’t have that option right now, and I don’t believe it will come to fruition in the foreseeable future, I am going to take the time that I have now and invest in myself and the things that I am passionate about. Devoting more time working on the things that bring me joy will give me a chance to see if one of my passions doubles as my purpose. I can’t say that something that I currently do on the side won’t turn out to be the thing that gives me back my drive, but I also can’t say that it will. I am opening myself up to new opportunities and new ideas. I know what it feels like to have drive and a passion to get up every morning and work towards a goal, I just have to be more intentional about it now. I lost that drive for a long time because I wanted to be in the Army, but now I get a chance to find and do something even greater and I won’t simply let it pass me by because plan A didn’t work out for my life. That ended up being my plan and not God’s plan. When it is my time to go out and conquer the world, I know that I will be given that drive and passion and nothing will stop me. For now I will keep working on me and giving myself the opportunity to find fulfillment in what God has given me right now.

Every Morning, Make Your Bed

This week I spent most of my time making a list of things that I needed to do and then compiling lists of the things I needed to do to actually accomplish the items on my to-do list. Welcome to adulthood. Sounds exhausting, right? It is! As I tucked my kids into bed and tried to think through what I needed to accomplish before the weekend, I realized that I never feel like I am truly accomplishing anything. I am constantly just trying to make it to the next task, but never really allowing myself to start the next day with a clean slate. I am constantly letting each day spill into the next day.

No wonder why I never truly know what day of the week it is.

As I sat at the foot of my bed trying to decide what I want to wear tomorrow, I glanced back at my bed and realized how put together it seemed. The pillows were in the appropriate place, the blankets were all folded and tucked neatly and it looked finished. Why didn’t I feel that way? Every morning that there isn’t a tiny person bundled up in my covers, I make it a point to ensure that my bed looks put together. But why? Growing up, my mom would ensure that we made our bed every morning and I never knew why, it was just something that we did.  I am not expecting anyone to see it, so why do I feel like I still have to do it? These are questions I never really thought about, probably because they aren’t on my list of things to do. While I sat there on the edge of my bed, I was not sure why I was thinking about them at that very moment. And then it dawned on me, I needed an item that I can simply check off of my list each day. It is one thing that I know that I cannot fail at. Every morning, I get up knowing that I want to give everything and everyone in my life 100% and I know that I will fail at that because it is unrealistic, but yet and still, I put those expectations on myself every single morning and every evening, I come home knowing full well that I left something unfinished on my desk or that I was unable to give each of my kids my undivided attention each time my son called my name or my daughter cried.

I have a to-do list that never gets completely done for one reason or another, so I can never pat myself on the back and say “great job. You rocked the day”. But why do I have to finish everything just to feel good about the things that I did accomplish? Why do I not allow myself to celebrate each of the small things that I can do everyday? I am not superwoman, no matter how many blanket capes I wear for my son. Why is one item crossed off the list not enough? It is! If you have one hundred items on your list and you can complete two, you had a successful day. We have to stop comparing our lives to those around us. Just because someone else can wake up at 3am, go to the gym for 3 hours, head home, cook a 7-course breakfast for their spouse and kids, get dressed and make it to work before 8am, does not mean that you rolling out of bed at 6, grabbing Starbuck’s and making it to work at 0759 is not still an accomplishment for you.

You have to choose the small things that you know you can do each day and do them. If you want to walk one mile, get up and start moving. If you want to spend ten minutes by yourself, uninterrupted, put it on your to-do list, do it, and check it off. We make our daily tasks so daunting, that we are unknowingly setting ourselves up for failure. Instead of making a list with all of the things that you have to accomplish for the whole day or week, break your list up into tasks that you can accomplish within just the next hour or two and then when you accomplish them, give yourself time to celebrate that you got them done. Go all out, have a cookie if you want. Kids shouldn’t be the only ones rewarded for earning stickers on their charts. As adults, we have to find ways to give ourselves a little bit of grace. Many of you, like me, are juggling a lot of different roles and responsibilities and you have to give yourself a chance to begin and end each day feeling like you did something. Even when you have a long list of unfinished tasks that you have to leave for the next day. Find one or two things that you are committed to doing each day and DO THEM.

And don’t forget to make your bed 😊.

On a scale of 1 to 10....

Just two blog post in and this one is going to be very personal. Normally it takes much longer for me to bare it all, but this is a personal blog, right? So here we go. I know that we live in a world where people feel very comfortable telling you exactly how they feel without regard to how it will affect the person they are saying it to, but just because society makes that okay, should we all just say what we want to anyone that we meet? I was in Kroger, my favorite hangout, after a long day at work. I did not have time to change, so I had on the outfit that I wore to work and I am sure I was sporting some pretty big bags under my eyes at this point as well. My son was being surprisingly cooperative as we deviated from our normal after work routine of cooking dinner, watching Paw Patrol or Moana, completing bath time and going to bed. I was completely prepared to deal with a combative toddler, but out of sheer luck, he was tolerating being in the grocery store. We were on our way out, but I, of course, had to have an Iced coffee from Starbuck’s. I place my normal order of a Venti Iced Coffee with heavy whipping cream and sugar-free vanilla syrup. No big deal, right? As I am waiting for my drink, another lady joins me at the counter. She asks how old my son is and I tell her that he is almost 1.5 Yrs. old. She goes on to ask a few other questions, with the last being why do you order your iced coffee so particularly? I kindly reply and tell her that I have been following a ketogenic diet since March, and I limit my carb and sugar intake. Her response after this made me speechless! She proceeds to say, “well you may need to try something else. Your baby is no longer a baby, so you can’t blame your weight on him for much longer”. I was floored! All I could do was smile, tell her to have a nice evening and walk away. As I walked away I went back and forth between wanting to cry and wanting to scream at her about all the work that I have done to lose weight so far, but I am an adult right so I couldn’t throw a temper tantrum. My son was not throwing one, so neither could I. Plus, why should I get so worked up over her 2-second evaluation of my weight and life. I have dealt with my weight for my entire life and even shed more tears than I can remember as other people made comments about it when I was younger. Those comments normally came from family members, so they don't count right? I have never had to stomach a comment like this made by a stranger, so this was new territory for me. I have never fit into society's vision of “small” or “thin”, and I may never as far as the number on the scale goes, but I am working on being a healthier version of myself and that should count, right? So why did this one lady’s comment bother me so much? Had I met her in March, I probably would have cried my eyes out while eating Oreo’s. Counterproductive, I know. Instead, she made the comment to the person that I have worked hard to become. While losing weight, I have gone through a lot of personal changes. I had to gain back some self-confidence that I lost after I had my son and I had to find some that I never actually had because of the struggles of being “overweight” when I was younger. But what made this lady choose that particular moment to make that comment? On a day when life was already hard enough for me. I wanted to know what was going through her mind when she walked up to me. Then I thought does it really matter? Is her reasoning going to make me feel better? Absolutely not! In the time that it took me to walk outside, put my groceries in my car and get my son buckled in his car seat, I realized that I didn’t care about her reasoning. I didn’t care about why she felt like she should point out my weight to me. I didn’t even care that she didn’t seem to care about how her delivery made me feel. My body made an amazing human being and that took time, so weightloss is going to take time as well. I am not ashamed of this nor do I shy away from it. She did not understand that to me this weight gain meant that my body had finally gotten it right. I was told at 21 years old that I would never carry a baby to term without an immense amount of medical intervention. She didn't know that this weight gain meant I didn't lose my baby at 12 weeks when the doctor said that I had a threatened miscarriage due to bleeding. She doesn't know that I have a daily struggle inside just to get my body functioning properly and she didn't know that sometimes the struggle becomes so intense and overwhelming that I just want to give up, but this smiling little boy that changed my body makes me keep going. She did not know these things, so the motivation behind her comment did not matter and I did not care about it. I do, however, care that I have grown enough to understand that her words do not have any bearing on my life. I will probably never see this lady again, but she made a pretty big impact on my Thursday night. She reminded me that instead of just letting everything that I think flow out of my mouth, I need to think about my delivery and realize that my words will impact whoever hears them whether I am speaking directly to them or not. It is my decision whether the impact is positive or negative. I also realized that I was finally at a place where someone else’s opinion of my body did not matter to me. I have been working really hard and because of some of my medical issues, I have had times during this journey that I have had to fight against my own body to continue to lose weight. Did the lady at Kroger know that? No, she didn’t, but I do. That is why I chose to gain something from the experience rather than allow it to hurt me. From now on, I am taking these experiences and deciding on a scale of 1 to 10 how much of an impact it should have on me and what emotional, verbal or mental response it requires from me. Plus, I feel great when I look in the mirror. I know where I started and where I am now and I refuse to let one random lady at Starbuck’s derail me completely after all of my hard work. Maybe she was having a terrible day or maybe she really just thought I should work harder than I had been at losing weight. At the end of the day, her opinion is just that, her opinion. My reaction and response is the only thing that I could control in that moment and instead of getting upset and throwing a temper tantrum, I chose to walk away and smile. Why? Because she didn’t need to get the satisfaction of a negative response from me. Plus, how can you be angry in a Kroger that has a Starbuck’s? Groceries and COFFEE! In my mind, that should be one of the happiest places on Earth :-).

Mondays are for Blue Shoes and Coffee

Today was the Mondayest of all Mondays. Sunday night, I decided that watching "Quantico" on Netflix was more important than getting some much-needed rest so that I would be able to tackle what I knew was going to be a LONG Monday. But, who doesn't love Quantico? Most days, the tv in my house never leaves Nick Jr, so I have learned to take advantage of nap time and bedtime to catch up on all shows that don't involve animated characters, problem-solving skills, perfectly timed musical numbers and unwavering excitement. Normally, I am able to drown out the noise of any show that I am watching and fall asleep, because I am exhausted, but not this Sunday. This Sunday I decided that the clock had to be wrong and I got so wrapped up in Quantico, that when I realized it was 0230 I knew it was time to at least attempt to go to sleep. I switched the tv back to Nick Jr and fell asleep to the soothing sound of Paw Patrol. In a perfect world, I would have checked my alarm to make sure that it was strategically set in 5-minute increments beginning at 0515, but let's be honest, who is thinking about an alarm at 0230 while watching a terrorist attack get foiled by rogue operatives? Not me! We all know how this story ends, with me jumping out of bed like a ninja at 0545 because my plan is to be out of the house by 0620 so that I can get to work by 0630 and catch up on everything that came in over the weekend. Classic right? Oh, but it gets better. You know how your parents always told you to prepare your clothes the night before so that you were ready to go the next morning? Well, because I have a slight addiction to shopping (everyone does, right?), I am normally pretty good about selecting what I am going to wear the next day so that I am not fumbling around in the dark trying not to wake up my son as he sleeps peacefully. So I decided that I will just reach into the closet blindly, pull out the first thing that my hand touches and go with it. I didn't have time to go through multiple options this morning. Luckily, my first pull was a dress! Thank goodness! It would have been a more difficult task if I had to match up a shirt with an appropriate skirt or pants. I had the dress, but I still needed to choose shoes, do my hair, cook my keto-friendly breakfast and most importantly, make coffee. I should reiterate, that I have a "slight" addiction to shopping, so when it comes to choosing shoes, it is not as simple as choosing a black shoe or a white shoe. No, my shoe collection is a color-wheel with many different styles and heel heights. Normally, I choose my outfit around my shoes, so today my process was completely thrown off. I walked over to my wall of shoes and prayed that the shoes I grabbed were black. I slipped on my slippers and ran out of my room. I should mention that I have the best brother in the world. He met me at the stairs with eggs, bacon and...COFFEE. I was off to a good start. Just leaving ten minutes late, but really, who is keeping track at this point? I would have normally looked in the mirror at least twice by now to make sure I looked presentable, but not this particular morning. This morning, I trusted my instincts and just went with it. As I was locking the door, I glanced down and realized that I had on the most adorable blue shoes. Blue, such a random color shoe to grab, but in the dark, it looked black to me. What are the odds that I would grab the one dress in my closet that this particular shade of blue would match? I felt pretty good about this "choice" overall. These blue shoes represent more than me running late. They represent my ability to be okay without all of the planning and preparation that goes into every day of my life. They represent my ability to just go with the flow and let life lead in some aspects. This morning taught me that sometimes the best things happen when I feel like everything is going wrong. This is exactly what I needed to start the week. These blue shoes made my Monday better than I expected. With the help of coffee, I dare say that this Monday was a welcome part of my week. I don't wish that it was still the weekend, I feel ready to take on the rest of the week. Does this mean that I won't pick my clothes out the night before? Probably not, because let's be honest, how many times will I actually match? But, this does mean that I am okay with not having to plan every aspect of my day and life and I have proven to myself that chaos has the ability to bring about beautiful change.

Welcome to ...Life on the Sassy Side

Hi, everyone! My name is Tameka. I am 30 years old (that's like 20, right?) and I get the privilege of helping to mold and shape a 3-year-old little gentleman and a 6-month-old little lady. I never thought I would be interested in blogging, but here I am blogging away :-). Why you ask? Well, that is a great question. I live a very normal life, in some ways. I work a normal 8 to 5 (more like 0630 to 1720). I spend time with my kids. I cook. I clean. I try to workout (does walking up and down the stairs count?). This blog is going to be about life, my life. It will include insight into why I chose to live the way that I do. How I keep from losing it and having a shot of Bailey's in my coffee every morning and how I stay true to myself through it all. I will share my deepest thoughts, money saving tips, recipes, workouts, and anything else that comes to mind as my fingers glide across the keys. I welcome each of you to my blog and I hope that you can relate to the things that I deal with on a daily basis. I hope that you find my blog helpful, entertaining and informative. I am learning as I go, but I appreciate and will respond to any and all comments that you all take the time to write. I can't wait to get to know you all as I share my life with you as well.

Follow me on Instagram: @lifeonthe.sassyside

Tayce

Tariq